Spock's tales

Plans for today

I woke up this morning around 8 shocked that I haven’t received my food yet. Usually, the female comes out from the other room latest at 7.30 and gives us our vegetables. But not today. So, I woke up Kirk and we started screaming and shouting, asking for the food. Kirk even started to jump from and on his wood house and running around his room. Trust me, his butt touching the plastic floor could wake up even some dead bodies!

Finally, around 8.30 she came out, she looked at us and seemed like she was trying to decide if she would feed us or not. Honestly, we need to teach her a lesson! Impossible this humans! I even refused to get out on the couch and let her touch my butt!

Anyway, let’s come back to the subject… She is at home because she took a day off from work. I just hope this does not mean less money for her and, implicitly, less food for us. So, probably she will spend the day on the couch looking at us as we were some reality show from Animal Planet. She should really get a TV!

From my part, I plan to take advantage of the sun and to sleep in my room and run around on the couch. Maybe even pooping in the blanket. Just look at us how angelic we are when we sleep!


(Written by Spock after breakfast.)


Kirk's tales

How to destroy physically two cats

When we were little kids, we used to play together all over the house for hours. While we were doing this, the human female was very passionate about things she could find on this particular screen. So she was paying no attention to us.

And we discovered she had two black cats. True, not very active, but still two cats! And the cats were always on the floor and following the female all over the place, being particulary very attached to her feet. Strange creatures this cats with their need to cover one’s feet…

So, we came up with a plan. We were to pretend we don’t see the cats and just wander around in the house. When the cats would have been sure we had nothing to do with them, we were to start crawling very close to the walls (to be undetectable) and approach the enemy from behind. I was supposed to attack the left cat and Spock the right one, as they were always together.

During the first attack, we’ve noticed that their moustaches tasted slightly like plastic. So, chewing was a very good idea. Strangely, the cats were not doing anything! No reaction, no complaint. So we thought that poor cats were actually waiting for someone to shorten their moustaches… But the human female did not seem very happy when she saw the result. We could suppose the cats were forced to wear those moustaches against their wills.

Of course, the frowning of the so called alpha female didn’t disturb our plan. And during the next times spent freely in the house, we even passed to their ears. Not very funny, as we discovered a dog passed by also and destroyed already one ear. We’ve started to ask ourselves if the dog is still in the house and where is he hiding. We’ve already searched under the oven!


But this was when we were kids, I mean like 9 months ago… In the meanwhile, we found out there is no dog in the house and that the cats are actually slipers. But we tore them apart already. 😀

(Written by Kirk right before he went to bed.)

Spock's tales

Pretending to be an owl

I am not the kind of pig able to sit still 10 seconds for a snapshot. When the flash should be used, one may bet the picture would be useless.

Still, sometimes I have moments of profound insight that make me think to our purpose in life and other philosophical stuff. But it takes no longer than one minute, so the human female must hurry in order to capture my intelligent facial expression.

I remember how once I’ve tried very hard to resemble with an owl. I was so absorbed by my efforts that I completely and truly forgot to move for more than 3 minutes. Enough for her to capture the way I was focusing my mind to achieve the goal, despite the vegetables laying on the ground.

I don’t know if you ever tried to play an owl, but it is very difficult. First, you need to convince your fur that it is actually feathers. Than your head must turn round, so you need to inhale a lot and keep the air in your mouth. Inhaling with your ears might also help… Your eyes will implicit turn bigger and round. After all this, holding your appearance, you must put your body in a shape of a sphere, convince your ears to point and balance on the very edge of a wood stuff.

You should look somehow like this:


I know, I know, it’s not my best picture, but I was so focused to get there that I complete forgot to be photogenic.

(Written by Spock while waiting for his dinner.)

P.S. I also found pictures with me trying to resemble a mouse, a chicken, and other unknown animals…

Kirk's tales

When I was a little boy…

I must start saying that we share our apartment with 2, sometimes 3, humans. And the craziest about us is a female. We were leaving only with her for few months, so we got to train her well. And she is also our official photographer, this being how we have at the present time an archive with around 500 pictures. All were taken since March 2013…

As I really enjoy playing the photo model role (I’m able to pose and stay still for more than 30 seconds), I also like to search through my pictures and check what nice captures are in the archive. Just to reassure myself how perfect I am… So, the other day, I found this one from March 31, 2013:


Honestly, I was shocked about the size of my ears. Huge! And this made me think that we may be born with already grown ears. So, our body grows, but not our ears… If this is not the truth, I have a big problem: my ears are still the same as when I was a kid. I should really measure them and keep an eye on the subject.

Also, look at my paws! They also seem huge… But now they seem normal. The only guy with whom I may compare myself is Spock, but he’s not relevant because he doesn’t have my dimensions.

Ups! I almost forgot to show you a picture with the actual (current) me.


Am I beautiful or what?

(Written by Kirk in a very narcissist moment.)

Spock's tales

I love my couch

Few months ago I’ve managed to convince the humans who are taking care of us to move my cage somewhere close to the couch. And only good things happened since then. 😀

Since I was a little pig (I mean really little, like 250 g), I had the feeling that I could find a lot of interesting stuff on the couch. First there was a blanket, than some paper, that made me believe that I should be the real master of the couch. And I’ve managed! Not only they moved my cage close to it, but I have full access during the day. This is an awesome thing! By the way, have you ever tried to spend some time on the couch?!

The humans, because they don’t have fur, need some kind of fluffy cover called blanket. My humans have one brown which is an awesome place to hide. And fell asleep… But I must be careful because they don’t have very good noses to realize I’m there. So I can’t really sleep in there if they are around. Anyway, I love pooping in their blanket.

What else can you find on my couch?! Well, some delicatessens like paper of any kind and cables. I just love chewing the paper towels and leaving a mess behind me! It’s fun! The cables are also very tasty, but I think I might have a problem with digesting copper – last time when I ate 2 cm of the headsets’ cable; I was indisposed for few hours. Or maybe it was from the plastic… Anyway, since my last encounter with the headsets, they bought new ones (I wonder why?!), blue, very attractive, but they keep them on the table.

Well, I’ve got to go to search new things to chew.

(Written by Spock in an interval of 24h, in his rare moments of tranquillity.)

Kirk's tales

How Guinea Pigs show up on Earth

If ever your Guinea Pig asks how he or she has been brought to life, don’t lie! Tell the truth: as the human babies are brought by a stork, we are here thanks to the owls.

No matter how amazing it seems, this is the honourable truth. At least this is what I’ve heard from the rabbits that were hosted near my cage in the pet shop… And I have no reason to believe they were trying to mislead me. Also, I’ve seen a number of owl toys in the pet shop, and the rabbits told me they are there to make the Guinea Pigs feel more comfortable.

Despite all this, I find it strange that I kind of get scared when somebody waves a cloth nearby. I’ve tried to analyse my behaviour from a psychoanalytical perspective and the only conclusion is that either I’m afraid an owl might get me back from where I came; either another bird might abduct and probably eat me… Although I’ve never heard of any such case.

A very difficult approach over my personality… Anyhow, remember: tell your Guinea Pig the truth about the owl! He will be able to watch Harry Potter with you after this.

(Written by Kirk in a moment of deep insight.)