How to attack a cucumber

I love cucumber. I could eat one huge cucumber at every meal. But humans don’t seem to understand well this because they are kind of rationalizing my cucumber pretending that it contains too much water and it is not very good for my digestion.

This being said, you understand why eating a piece of cucumber it’s such a big deal for me. And I must calculate well how I should proceed in order to maximize the pleasure of serving it. Of course, in the days when I don’t get a cucumber, I think a lot to this issue and make plans for the next encounter with this kind of vegetable.

First of all, I must explain you that a cucumber looks like a cylinder, not considering the ends also. So it’s difficult to decidewhich side to attack first. Then, the peel is harder and the core is softer. So another problem to analyze: should I start with one or with the other? Anyway, this second issue has a simple answer – in order to get to the core, you need to pill the cucumber off. But, as logical as it seems, I’m still trying to find a new approach.

Back to our cylindrical problem, the end with which I should start is always a very important decision because it affects the speed of consumption. What if the cucumber is not a perfect cylinder and one end has a smaller diameter than the other? Because usually this is the case: humans don’t grow perfect cucumbers and it’s hard to do measurements for the diameters when you are hungry. So, the decision should be based on a critical visual analysis of the object, meaning the piece of cucumber.

In my case, as I can’t decide, I start with no matter which end, chew a little around it and then pass to the other end. This way, I’m creating a perfect ball. Not that I need or I could use a ball, but it is fun seeing the humans being ecstatic in front of my creation. Of course, after they stop being amazed with my ball, I eat it. Or sometimes I start with the middle… All depends of my mood.

I hope the humans won’t start to cut differently my cucumber before finding answers to my current questions. As you may get it, today I had no cucumber in my menu… (Below is an old picture.)