About how and why we can’t live together

“Kirk, come here! I’ll start writing and I could use some help.”

“Whaaaat?! Are you kidding me? Do you remember that we can’t share the same space?”

“No, you… big butt! I wasn’t inviting on the couch, just closer, so I could transcribe what you say.”

“I do not trust you! You will never reproduce exactly what I say…”

“Oh, you could check when it’s your turn to use the laptop.”

“OK, Spock, tell me what for you need my help. But fast because I want to go back to sleep. I can’t keep my beautiful 1.340 kilo in perfect shape if I don’t sleep enough!”

“My beloved Kirk, as much as I would love to try my teeth on you right now, this is not the reason of my request.

“You left yesterday on me the task of completing the story about why we can’t stay together. And I don’t want to write it all by myself because I’m pretty sure you would have some remarks.”

“Spock, you are incredible! In the middle of the night you are trying to write something that serious?! You know what? Just start, read aloud what you are writing, and I’ll interfere if necessary.”

“Oh, you lazy 1.340 furry thing! I’ll do it…

“Dear readers, it is up to me, Spock, to finish the story started yesterday by Kirk. Everything begins with the fact that the pet shops employees only want to sell and they don’t care about us… This is how our human female ended up with two male Guinea Pigs in her house, although it is known we fight for territory and supremacy most of the times, so living together might look like a very nasty episode from Gray’s Anatomy, the Guinea Pig’s version. At the beginning she hoped it will work and we also tried, but at some point it became impossible.

“Spock, since when you are so full of lyricism? Are you OK? Have you eaten something bad?”

“Kirk let me write! I’m in the mood for staying still for more than 30 seconds.

“So, dear readers, we managed to share the same small cage for about a month. Until one evening when, Kirk decided it’s time to dispute, so I ran away… The human female saw immediately (very vigilant biped!) and opened the cage for me so I could spend the night in the house. She even prepared me a box with hay close to the cage thinking that we may manage the situation that way.

“But after few days it was obvious we won’t be able. We do not hide our territorial needs and the urge for disputing the alpha position, as the human males are doing, so it was inevitable for the real fight to start. When she saw that the situation was becoming dangerous for our furs, she bought a bigger cage.”

“Spock, am falling asleep… zzzzzzzz! Please, go allegro: our readers will leave the page before reaching the end!”

“Kirk, it’s my time to write. You are only an invited participant.

“When she showed up at home with the new cage, we both secretly hoped it was only for one of us. But no… We had to share that one also. After a while, a wood house appeared. I was occupying the upper floor and Kirk and his big butt the lower one. Soon he was not pleased anymore and he wanted it for him. We had a fight one evening and I bit the human female while she was trying to separate us. To be honest, I thought it was Kirk, so I put my teeth in her hand very deep. But she survived, don’t worry!”

“Oh, my! You really wanted to harm me since we were young! Oh, my!”

“Of course. Do you remember the quote “there can be only one”?!

“Sorry for the interruption. Next step was to divide our large cage in two equal parts. That wasn’t very comfortable, especially for Kirk. His butt was growing and growing and he got to turn around the tail he doesn’t have due to the lack of space.

“In the meanwhile, in the house we were still going out together. Until one day when we fought over a piece of celery. I won; Kirk got bitten and visited the vet. And since then we get to walk in the house only in separate rooms. It’s OK, but it was more fun before…”

“Then you should have not attacked me! And please make it shorter, I can’t sleep if you continue speaking and typing.”

“Kirk you are right – I’m also falling asleep. Maybe I should present the conclusion.

“And the conclusion is that at the beginning of July 2013 we’ve got a second big cage. And instead of moving the furniture in the house to fit the new desk of the human male, she rearranged everything in a way it would allow her to put our rooms one next to the other. Awesome moment! The human male was shocked, almost threatened with a divorce. So, all the time, even when we walk in the house, there is a grid separating us.”

“Spock, are you going to say it or should I?”

“What Kirk? I think I’m done… Although I have the impression I’ve missed something…”

“Oh, I’ll say it, just stop pretending. The truth is that he still tries to bite me through the grids; he even gets some of my fur sometimes. But every time we lose sight of each other, we start wheeking and shouting until we find ourselves. And sometimes we like to sleep very close to our grids so we can touch each other. “

“Kirk, this is so soppy! Stop it!”

“But it’s the truth…”

“Yeah, OK… Let’s go to sleep, it is 5 am!”

“OK, sweet dreams!”


“Spock, I hope you transcribed everything I sad correct.”

“Hay?! Anybody said hay?!

“Oh, just go back to sleep. I’ll check by myself.”






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