Wof's tales

Our staff

guinea_pigs_tales_worf_profileKirk and Spock explained this week-end the situation of our staff. I thought only the human female and the human male that are sharing the apartment with us are our servants, but apparently I was wrong. And after behaving not very swaggering with two bipeds, the big boys felt the need to point out the different positions among our staff…

First of all we have the human female. She is an Administration and Communication Manager for us, meaning that she is in charge of our PR (blog, social media, mass media…) and that part of our life that requires planning and organization (menu, cleaning, appointments, improvements etc.). Then there is the human male, his main responsibility being to provide sawdust and different other stuff, as indicated by her. Also, from time to time he needs to go to the market and provide large quantities of dill. The vegie stock is kept up to date by both of them…

Then we have godparents. Each of them has a special utility and the human female selected them according to our needs. The honor of being our godparents was offered to them in order to secure their support. So, Kirk’s godfather is also our official transporter. No, don’t think of Jason Statham, it has nothing to do with him. But every time the main humans are going on vacation for few days, he has the means to transport all our belongings to the temporary servant.

Spock’s godmother is one of our temporary servants. I was told this because I had never visited her mansion. But Kirk and Spock had the chance to stay with her for few days.

Data has also a godmother. Actually he got a whole family of godsomething. His actual godmother is a little girl of 5, and she is very important in our equation also: her parents were once temporary servants for Spock & Kirk and whenever they visit us, they bring fresh vegies as gifts.

I have a godfather, also 5 years old, but a boy. I was speechless yesterday when I heard he watched our short movie and recognized me. Of course his parents are very important for us because they are also temporary servants.

On top of all this, we have a vet. Thanks to The Great Guinea Pig God that we don’t need do see him very often. I mean once per year is more than sufficient.

Of course, there are other worshipers around, but they come and go… Do you have you own staff?

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Spock's tales

Improvements

guinea_pigs_tales_spock_profileFirst of all, I apologise for our prolonged absence. We were brainstorming over this blog and our future as international stars. And this takes time. Plus, Kirk worked a little with me to see the hidden reasons behind my epilepsy seizure. But let’s take it point by point…

Kirk thinks my epilepsy seizure was due to stress: new piggies in the gang, moving in different rooms, losing the access to the couch etc. So, he proposed a plan on how to manipulate our humans to address these issues. Playing upset was the first step and it worked perfectly fine. The human female can’t stand seeing us sad or unhappy, so she is very willing to give up space, money and other resources to please us. It is awesome to have a servant this dedicated!

One day I saw her taking the pliers and starting to cut a grill. She made a square hole and then started to cover the margins in some cloth and tape so I wouldn’t hurt myself when going out. It took her about one hour to prepare everything… But it’s done and now I have again straight access to the couch, paper, invoices etc. True, I’m not yet taking full advantage of the situation, but it will come. And I gave up of my upset face. I even allow again the human female to pick me from the top of my wood house, to pet me on the couch and then to chase me. Fun!

Next, I convinced her that sometimes I need a curtain. My own curtain, not the ones already installed in the house. I am the only one with truly red eyes, so almost no pigment, and strong light bothers me. So, a cloth is at my disposal to be arranged on my room in order to allow me to fully explore and use the space with my eyes wide open.

Actually, this is how it looks like:

guinea_pigs_tales_improvements

Another victory over the humans is the fact they bought a tripod for the camera. We believe we could be really successful in the showbiz industry, but for this we need to have the possibility to show how good we are. So good quality pictures and short movies in full HD are a must! Now that we have the tripod, we can film ourselves and show to the world what a lavish life a Guinea Pig star should have. By the way, our first project was to prove how loud we can be, but we were a little bit intimidated by the camera so not very noisy. Still working on it… Servants are here to support us!

Oh, and this morning Data took the time to create a YouTube channel for us and a Google+ page. He really enjoys this entire social media thing.

Now I’m going back for another brainstorming session to decide upon the next posts on the blog. And to figure it out how we can manipulate the human female to stop her “The Mentalist” marathon and give us more time with the laptop…

Data's tales

Our first Easter

guinea_pigs_tales_Data_profileOur first Easter just passed. To be very honest, I wouldn’t have noticed if it weren’t for two strange things. First of all, the human female was off for work also on Monday (yesterday). This explains why we wrote nothing… I mean she restrained the laptop for the whole three days and we’ve got no chance to use it. Oh, and second: we’ve kind of had to pose with some dyed eggs.

On Sunday morning we had our little chit chat for planning the day and suddenly Kirk turned white (for Spock was not really evident…) and informed us he had a special mission for us. He explained it was Easter for humans, or at least for some of them, and they have some strange habits. Among them: posting photos with bunnies and dyed eggs on Facebook. No bunnies around, so some Guinea Pigs should do the trick!

Last year our human female asked Spock and Kirk to help her and be models for her photos, but they did not actually enjoy the process. So, an almost hysterical Kirk told us that it’ our turn to behave and sacrifice ourselves for some likes on Facebook. We saw them so confused and accepted to take the burden out of their shoulders. But I had no idea what I was agreeing for…  Also, I was almost convinced they were exaggerating.

But around 10 am the human female started some weird preparations: she brought a green towel and some dyed eggs and arranged everything on the couch. Then she lured us with some celery and made us to smile nicely for a photo with the eggs. (Kirk refused to stay still and Spock hid in the corner of his wood house.) Finally, after tens of photos, we were left in peace… True, we’ve got some funny ones!

Worf was more in to the celery than photo shooting, so the human female had to try a different approach. Up and behind…

worf_eggs

I resisted for one nice photo…

data_eggs_1

… than I’ve decided it was time to explore.

data_eggs_2By the way, no eggs were harmed in the making of this pictures.

Kirk's tales

50 shapes of… a pancake

guinea_pigs_tales_profile_kirkThe human female joined some groups on Facebook dedicated to Guinea Pigs. The humans brag there about us, their masters, and exchange opinions on ways of keeping us happy. The other day someone expressed her amazement regarding our ability to change shape and turn into a pancake. Of course, a lot of people started to post pictures with Guinea Pigs looking like a pancake. I also have some and I’ll love to share them with you.

But, before giving you a high dose of cuteness, I would like to explain you that pancakes come in different shapes: some of them are perfectly arranged, others are not that uniform… We, the Guinea Pigs, try to imitate the same. So, there are different pancake’s forms and I’ll show you below.

Big butt pancake

kirk_pancake1

Rolled pancakekirk_pancake3

A pancake with chinkirk_pancake4

A rectangular pancakekirk_pancake5

A curved pancakekirk_pancake2

The most careless pancake in the worldkirk_pancake6True, not 50 shapes, but close enough. 😀

Data's tales

My precious food

guinea_pigs_tales_Data_profileYou all know by now I had a harsh start in life being left in a pet shop for four months. But this made me stronger, actually. I mean bringing rabbits to order is not an easy job! By the way, Data here.

Well… I forgot what I wanted to say… Sorry, I’m popcorning…

Yeah! So, I’ve spent few months in a pet shop with no vegies. When I first saw some green stuff, I was surprised. But my true nature came up quickly and I’d started to devour vegetables, especially fennel, celery, cucumber, parsley, endive… OK, OK! Everything that is green, including fresh grass.

Now, although I have my own room aside from the other three piggies, I still have the habit of protecting what’s mine and try to take my vegies and hide in the wood house. Also, I have the impression that the humans are considering stealing my food… You know why?! Because they are providing me large pieces of vegies so I can’t really hide them. But my instincts work better.

For example, one day the human male fed me an entire carrot. The entrance of my wood house is about 10 cm large and the carrot was about 14. If I grab it in my moth horizontally and I run, it blocks at the entrance. By the way, it is horrible to stop because the carrot is stuck. But I am stubborn and perseverant: I’ve tried few times until the carrot gave up and broke in two.

Another time the human female put some celery greens behind the door in the bedroom. Her thought was that she would catch me that way to put me back in my room. But… I grabbed an 80g piece of celery and run fast under the bed. Considering that my weight is around 800g, I am amazed of my force.

Sometimes I compromise and it’s just me hiding in the house, but I keep my vegies close too!

dguinea_pigs_tales_data_celery

Wof's tales

The books we read

guinea_pigs_tales_worf_profileWorf here…

Yesterday Kirk promised that today we will talk about books. This topic is so general and he was so busy eating that this morning we realized none of us wrote anything for the blog. After a small chit chat at the corners of our rooms (the only point where we can all meet), it was decided that I would write. Actually Kirk and Spock delegated me to say something about an article published by the human female on her blog.

So, she was challenged to imagine what kind of books we would read. Humans are funny! Very funny… Why?! Because we really read, is not like you should pretend we are doing it. I mean, we write a blog, so of course we read! But our human seems to know us well because she guessed it right for all of us. Let’s talk about our reading preferences…

Kirk is a huge fan of “raw vegan” cook books. He just loves researching new ways of eating the celery greens. But he is not only eating, although it is taking him a lot of time… He is also a very good psychoanalyst with a thorough knowledge of Freud’s and Jung’s writings. I even think he is on his way of developing a brand new psychoanalytical system for humans. We, the Guinea Pigs, have no secrets for him anymore, but he thinks the gang is generally in good mental health (we still have doubts regarding Data…) so no therapy sessions for us.

Spock is a very active pig. His main interest is in invoices and receipts, so bookkeeping is more fun than reading. Still he reads books like “10 ways to keep your fur white”, “5 steps to perfect popcorning”, “14 ways to keep your humans happy” etc. I mean this kind of books that you could drop them at any point and after two days will still make sense Also, lately he is searching for some books regarding the ways to cope with a very scared human because of his epilepsy seizures, just in case it will occur again.

I am reading something more appropriate to my age for the moment and it will still take me a while to finish it. Please don’t laugh, but I am reading Harry Potter. I find it amazing and I hide to be able to read in quietness. Humans think I’m that shy and afraid of them, but I just want to be on my own. OK, me and Harry, but no other humans… Also, it’s a little bit difficult to hide a book that big in my wood house, but challenge accepted! By the way, I have no idea why we can’t find Guinea Pig sized books…

And this gets us to the point of talking about Data… He is actually reading only on the Internet. He is too active, jumping all the time, running around and other crazy stuff for being able to focus on a complex book. So he goes online and checks blogs and videos on YouTube. What to say?! It is definitely better than nothing. Also, he enjoys some magazines, especially the ones in Dutch! (I told you he is a little bit weird.)

Look, this is how I look while hiding for reading Harry Potter:

guinea_pigs_tales_worf

What kind of books are you reading?

Kirk's tales

The Sunday chore

Yesterday morning I woke up and around 7 a.m. I realized it was breakfast time. I’ve waited for 20 minutes for the human female to come out and fed us, but then I remembered it was Sunday and she has this awkward habit of sleeping longer in the week-end. As I don’t really understand this need (all our humans should have a very structured program), I’ve started my concert. Of course, it was sufficient to come up with the first wheek and Worf and Data took it over from there. Me and Spock got on top of our houses and just had to wait…

At 7:24 the biped came out of the bedroom. But instead of going straight to the kitchen, she pulled out the scale and the notebook and prepared everything for weighting us. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I was hungry and she was in the mood for this kind of jokes. And honestly, I was pretty sure she will proceed only with the little ones. We, the big piggies, are already stable…

But she actually started with me saying that she wanted to check if I am still around 1.35 kilo and not overpassed 1.4. I was lucky and the scale showed a nice 1.35, so no reason for cutting my pellets off. Spock, regardless his epilepsy seizure, was also constant showing a beautiful 1.150 g white furred piggy for the check.

Although I was literally on the fence waiting for my food, she continued with Worf and Data and it took her around 10 minutes to catch, calm and weight them. I was almost curious about their situation given the fact they were under treatment for a while. Inexplicably, they were both 815 g. We are all very confused because we can’t really appreciate their age based on the weight. But we are hoping to notice a pattern in the few coming weeks and Spock, who is very passionate with numbers and accountancy, promised to draw a graphic and make some approximations.

The human female was too sleepy yesterday morning to be able to take pictures also, but I found a snapshot with me from the day I’ve passed 1 kilo. I am a very good piggy and I always eat all my vegetables, so my normal rate of growth was 40 g per week and that day was expected. But anyhow it was joyful. For Spock was a little bit difficult to pass over 1 kilo, but once he did it he stopped only 150 g further.

Oh, there’s my picture:

guinea_pigs_tales_kirk_1kilo

Also, yesterday was the day for cleaning the cages, so we’ve got some time on our own to explore the house. Two by two and in different rooms. But I must say she is becoming more and more of an expert in her attempts to catch us. Now that she can’t really place our rooms on the floor and we would enter by free will, she needs to be creative… I am almost proud of her! But don’t tell her, please.

Stay tuned, tomorrow we’ll talk about books.