Kirk's tales

Competing again

If someone thinks beauty and intelligence are rarely to be found together in a living being, let me tell you that I am one of those rare beings. I am beautiful and the numerous likes I get when participating in contest prove this. On the other hand, being such a fine psychoanalyst requires intelligence, so I have plenty of that also.

As the world we live in tends to be shallow, I focus my career on my beauty and I would really like to become famous for this. Then I could change the world with my intelligence… I know I am not blue blood so I have no chance in the very exclusivist competitions, but anyhow my target is not the few that are the public for this. I want to speak to the many!

My next goal is to have my face in a calendar at the end of 2014. Actually this became my goal after Spock informed me about the opportunity. He is somehow the brain behind all our campaigns… So, I’ve asked Data to put my picture for the contest. Now I just have to gather as many likes as possible.

In the meanwhile, I’ve been busy exploring the couch. First, dig in & dig out from the blanket…

kirk_diggingThen testing the quality of some paper roll.

kirk_paperAnd finally showing my best side and butt for the camera…

kirk_buttSo, do I deserve or not to be in that calendar?

Data's tales

We are famous!

guinea_pigs_tales_Data_profileOh, my! Yesterday our Facebook page exploded with likes. I could not believe my eyes when I saw how the number of our followers was rising. Of course it’s due to my incredible social media skills because there is no other logical explanation.

Now that we have almost 500 followers we need to create content and that it’s mainly up to the other three. By the way, at first they thought it was a bad joke when I told them about the increasing traffic from our page. And I need to come up with some plan… But first I need to clear my fur of lice. And I must find space for an office because I should stop using my room. I almost can’t find the hay behind all the papers and plans.

Maybe I could use the other couch more often. There is plenty of space there to put all my papers around and the laptop.


Anyway, we thank you all, even though not all of you are reading this blog. And that includes The Guinea Gazette.

And, by the way, although Kirk is the most famous (he won some prizes and is the image of a Romanian blog for educating humans in regards to Guinea Pigs), Worf decided to ask for a car… I really feel I am the one that should be rewarded for all this work behind the scene. Spock already rules the world, so doesn’t really need something more.

Wof's tales

Human insolence

guinea_pigs_tales_worf_profile What happened yesterday is unbelievable! We were fed late. OK, this is not really an issue as we all have some fat reserves under the skin, but the most outrages is that the human male left the house without checking if we had at least some hay. But let me tell you the full story…

The human male left home around 17:30 without feeding us because the human female gave no instructions. And, pretending to be tired from working night shifts, he also forgot to check our hay reserve thinking that 2 or 3 pellets fed to please us during the day would be enough.

In theory, the human female should have come home around 18:30, change the diapers in our rooms and fed us. We are never fed if our rooms are not cleaned, which is a good habit, but maybe some adaptations will do no harm. So we kept quiet waiting for her. Just that at about 19:00 she was not yet arrived…

First we thought it’s a bad joke and somebody will show up soon to feed us. But no… So, we’ve tried to keep busy. Kirk moved his wood house from the corner of his room right in the middle, I’ve did the same with my cereals bowl and, as a bonus, I allowed myself to chew the diaper from my room’s floor. Data was just running around in his room searching for hay. He even tried on the Internet, but no success. But Spock’s behaviour was the most frightening: he was completely calm. He stood still and almost not moving.

Finally, the human female arrived around 21:15 and instantly noticed that we were in need. You can’t imagine how fast she changed closed, peed, washed her hands and got ready for her duties! In less than 30 minutes our rooms were cleaned and we were fed. But the humans shall pay for this atrocity.

What scares me most is that the human female will leave for 9 days and we will be left alone with the human male… What if he forgets feeding us?! We should have never agreed with the human female having a vacation! The good news is that she will be back and he will leave and we will get the chance to spend 10 days only with her and she can be easily manipulated.

In the end, this is what I feel about their behaviour from yesterday evening:


Spock's tales

Small piggy, huge personality

guinea_pigs_tales_spock_profileThey say I’m crazy. My servants stated several times that I’m a little out of orbit and I tend to agree. And I am also very proud of it. 😀

I know I’m just 1.2 kilos, but my personality is larger than life. I always speak up my mind and do only what I want. True, sometimes I’m forced to do things that I don’t enjoy, but I always revenge. Kirk tried to fix me whit his psychoanalyse, but I decided I liked too much my personality to change it.

It all started when I was a little boy and I wanted more space and more food. Kirk eats a lot and he is also slightly bigger, so I was aware I had to do something. I started bullying him up to the point where the human female understood we needed to be separated. But still we had play dates in the house. And one day Kirk tried to steal more celery from the kitchen than I. So I fought him and put my teeth into his perfect fur.

Next step was to take over the couch. I had to come up with a lot of clever plans to convince the humans to use it less so I could be able to get out whenever I wished. But in the end it was easy: after I chewed the headset, they got it and gave me full access to the couch, including during the nights. Of course I’m not that crazy to get out at 2 o’clock in the morning, but still…

Then when Worf and Data arrived, my whole life turned upside down. My home changed, I lost access to the couch… So I played the epileptic guy and it worked. After few days of being upset and showing it with every occasion, the access to the couch was once again in my power. Now I’ve made it a point to go in the middle of the couch at least once per week and spend there some time pretending to meditate. Of course no human dares to disturb me.

Last time when they’ve tried to clip my nails (I hate being restrained for more than 30 seconds), I bit the ear of my human male servant. Unfortunately it didn’t work because my nails were still clipped… They don’t get that I would like to polish them with some purple nail polish.

The same applies for cuddles. I don’t know why the humans have the impression they could cuddle me whenever they want. It’s the other way around: they are allowed to cuddle me when I’m in the mood for it. So, I thought the human female that she can rub my head in some very specific moments when I’m sitting on top of my wooden house. If I want more, I’ll get on the couch and climb on her lap, but she shouldn’t take me out by herself. She was pretty easy to train…

And I could go on like this for pages. But I won’t. Instead I’ll show you a portrait of mine with some veggies. And don’t forget: train your servant well!


Kirk's tales

Piggy on diet

I think it’s already clear for everyone that I’m the photogenic one in The Gang. My fur colour matches very well my eyes and looks good on any fleece / bedding pattern. So I always look good in pictures…

Just look at these amazing photos! I am awesome even behind some grids.


But after this morning weight control session the human female decided I should be on diet. Just because my weight got above 1.40 kilo! I really don’t get it: I am a healthy piggy and she saw that even when I passed 1.35 kilo nothing bad happened. So, I really don’t get her concerns. I love to eat and vegies & pellets are the most amazing things in the world…

Now I’m thinking of ways to put pressure on her and change her decision of limiting my pellets to two spoons per day instead of four. This is no life for an icon piggy! First she took out the cereals from my diet, now she reduced the pellets. I wonder what’s next?! Chasing me around the house and make me exercise?! I will stop posing for her and I should take back my permission to use the photos all over Internet!

Please excuse me, but I’m going in to my wood house to plot against humans.

Data's tales

Me and my lice

guinea_pigs_tales_Data_profileWorf already informed you about our issue with some lice. The funny part in all this was the humans, like always. I mean they are so agitated sometimes that I get tired only watching them.

When they heard we had lice, they decided to clean the whole house just to make sure no insect was left alive on the floors or other spots where we could go and pick them again. So, on Saturday afternoon we had to take our siesta in some vacuum cleaner noises. And we were forced to spend some time in the house while our rooms were thoroughly cleaned… The humans turned everything upside down and I even saw the human male handling the vacuum cleaner, which is something very unusual.

When the cages were cleaned, we’ve got our dose of Stronghold and I felt my lice running around very confused. I’ve kinda felt sorry for them. I mean we were building a strong relationship there, where they were feeding on my blood and I was tolerating them… And as they were trying to get away from the medicine, they went to my butt and I ended up with an almost black belt surrounding my…manhood. After some agony, a lot of them died. Sad, I know! But I must admit my ears feel better and I stopped being bothered with some itchy episodes.

As I don’t have any photos with me and my lice (the human female did a crappy job…), I will show you how awesome I was looking while enjoying some hay in a paper bag. 😀

data_bagP.S. The most joyful part was to see Kirk and Spock benefiting from the same treatment. After all, why should we suffer alone?!


Wof's tales

The great adventure

guinea_pigs_tales_worf_profileFriday we’d been in the city by tram! Imagine this!

I was so scared all the time… But I’m always scared when I see humans because I have the impression they are going to eat me. Honestly now, they are so big. I understand we need servants as a ruling species that we are, but I would prefer something smaller like a cat or a dog.

Back, to our tram trip, we had to go to the vet. Again! This time to another vet, a lady that is close to the city centre. Our humans thought our usual vet was not doing a great job and decided to have a second opinion. And our official transporter (Kirk’s godfather) was working and couldn’t help us… So we had to take the tram, like all the common humans. Degrading!

Anyhow, from the moment the human male put me in my transport box, I froze.  At some point, after settling in the tram, I relaxed a little and chewed some hay. The human female joined us also at some point and, after commuting to another tram and 5 minutes’ walk, we arrived at the clinic.

The lady at the front desk asked a lot of questions! I was even surprised she had not asked about the shoe size of the humans… She was even decided to weight us, but our servants were prepared and delivered our weight exactly. We had to wait for 10 minutes and to endure a lot of cat and dog smell, but the human vet proved to be nice.

She started with Data, while I was chewing hay on her desk. Literally. In my transport box, of course. I heard him wheeking, but I said to myself he should be fine. After all, he is a big boy of over one kilo. The lady vet checked his ears and the crust on them and noticed immediately that there was something strange in his fur in the butt area. The human supposed it was from the wood house, but she said it was lice. She even took some fur from him and provoked his shout. 😀 This explains his dry skin on the ears and his rare small cries.

When my turn came, I decided to run. I was so scared! There was a human that I had never seen before… She checked me all over and noticed I had lice also. And agreed I may have ringworm, so she gave her opinion over the treatment and added something to protect my liver.

Going back home was another adventure! But not before the human paid a large amount of money for lice treatment for four piggies (Spock & Kirk have to take it also). We’ve got the chance to stay in the grass while waiting the tram. True, in our transport boxes, but still it was grass! A lot of people came to see what we were and asked about us. I felt like a little star. Frightened, but a VIP!

We’ve got our first round of treatment on Saturday, but I think one of the others will tell you about it. I must go now and check on the humans because they feel very stupid for they believed for two months that our lice were wood debris…

By the way, this is me after the treatment, being scared of humans and trying to run away no matter where.