I know I’m just 1.2 kilos, but my personality is larger than life. I always speak up my mind and do only what I want. True, sometimes I’m forced to do things that I don’t enjoy, but I always revenge. Kirk tried to fix me whit his psychoanalyse, but I decided I liked too much my personality to change it.
It all started when I was a little boy and I wanted more space and more food. Kirk eats a lot and he is also slightly bigger, so I was aware I had to do something. I started bullying him up to the point where the human female understood we needed to be separated. But still we had play dates in the house. And one day Kirk tried to steal more celery from the kitchen than I. So I fought him and put my teeth into his perfect fur.
Next step was to take over the couch. I had to come up with a lot of clever plans to convince the humans to use it less so I could be able to get out whenever I wished. But in the end it was easy: after I chewed the headset, they got it and gave me full access to the couch, including during the nights. Of course I’m not that crazy to get out at 2 o’clock in the morning, but still…
Then when Worf and Data arrived, my whole life turned upside down. My home changed, I lost access to the couch… So I played the epileptic guy and it worked. After few days of being upset and showing it with every occasion, the access to the couch was once again in my power. Now I’ve made it a point to go in the middle of the couch at least once per week and spend there some time pretending to meditate. Of course no human dares to disturb me.
Last time when they’ve tried to clip my nails (I hate being restrained for more than 30 seconds), I bit the ear of my human male servant. Unfortunately it didn’t work because my nails were still clipped… They don’t get that I would like to polish them with some purple nail polish.
The same applies for cuddles. I don’t know why the humans have the impression they could cuddle me whenever they want. It’s the other way around: they are allowed to cuddle me when I’m in the mood for it. So, I thought the human female that she can rub my head in some very specific moments when I’m sitting on top of my wooden house. If I want more, I’ll get on the couch and climb on her lap, but she shouldn’t take me out by herself. She was pretty easy to train…
And I could go on like this for pages. But I won’t. Instead I’ll show you a portrait of mine with some veggies. And don’t forget: train your servant well!