Kirk's tales

My first movie!

kirk_profile_2Last time when you saw me I was super excited because it was my birthday. I’ve got some nice gifts, like a willow ball with some dried apples inside and some cuddle time with my servant, the hf.

But… The most impressive gift was a movie made by the rest of the gang. They spent hours trying to figure out how to crop, trim and edit some videos. It took them a while to install the programs on the computer without the humans noticing. In the end they’ve managed. Of course, while Worf found the program and installed it and Data made the actual video, Spock was supervising everything.

So… (drums… drums… drums…)! My first professional movie is in the theatres! (OK, on YouTube, but is the same!)

Wof's tales

What’s for dinner?!

worf_profile_2From the whole gang, I am the one who eats all his veggies. OK, let’s not exaggerate! I eat almost always all my veggies. And I am also the bravest one in terms of trying new foods. I am always ready to put my teeth on everything that is placed in my room and try if I like it or not. And I must admit that our humans are always trying to offer us a large variety of veggies. But let me get more into details.

Almost one year ago, Kirk wrote something about their menu. At that point it was only he and Spock (who replied to Kirk the next day 😀 ); we came in 3 or 4 days after. Not much changed since then, but maybe some supplementary explanations would be helpful. So, we still have a weekly menu that helps our humans to plan their groceries and shopping sessions in a way that we have always fresh veggies that don’t have to be kept in the fridge. And we still get four veggies every day.

I will write down some of the principles of our menu, just in case some humans are searching for inspiration.

  • Four different veggies per day
  • One veggie rich in vitamin C
  • The veggies rich in sugar (like carrots) just few times per week
  • The veggies rich in oxalates (e.g. spinach, parsley, carrot tops) just once or twice per week and not all in the same week!
  • Watch out for the veggies/fruits that can irritate our lips and mouth (egg plants, tomatoes, apples…)
  • Hay as much as we can munch, drag in the cage, play in etc.
  • Pellets – +/-30g per day. Of course pellets with no cereals in them and especially for guinea pigs.
  • For Spock and Data – some willow toys to chew. I and Kirk don’t really like stuff like this.

You may wonder why we don’t get any cereals… Well, it’s because Kirk (our flag butt) gets fat super fast and the humans are very worried regarding his health in general and his back bone in particular. So, we all suffer because of this. Also, you may see that increasing the pellets in our diet makes us to gain weight if we were not used with larger quantities.

We in particular don’t really like fruits and we don’t have a sweet tooth. The only fruits we eat are apples and pears, rarely and only if they are crunchy and not very sweet. I am the only one who likes tomatoes, and we, as a gang, don’t like zucchini, radish and other things that don’t come into my mind right now.

Our treats consist in dill, coriander, kohlrabi tops and other greens for which the humans really need to go to the market to get them. Which happens only in week-ends. We do not eat biscuits or any other processed food for guinea pigs that can be found in the supermarkets. It’s not that the humans never tried to feed us with something like this, it’s just that we don’t like it. We even gave up to those cereals bars as we found out they are full of sugar and a lot of other unhealthy components.

It may seem straight forward and not very complicated, but it’s not. And you know why?! Because we, the piggies, have also different tastes and whims. For example, Spock and Data don’t really like cucumbers. They eat it only if it is really, really necessary. Or we change our minds regarding some veggies: now we are passing through a period when we don’t really like bell peppers. So the hf had to prepare a special menu for next week with only one serve of pepper.

OK, I know, this is a lot of theory! But I will end this post telling you that this evening we’ve got egg plant and red bell pepper (none of us touched it yet!). And, of course, some nice photos featuring the handsome me and some veggies.


Data's tales

Human, entertain me!

data_profile_2We’ve been asked on Facebook how we amuse ourselves. Well, I won’t talk on Kirk’s and Worf’s behalf, but I will for sure explain you a little bit about my daily amusement sessions with Spock.

First of all, you need to understand that our biggest amusement is to eat, poop, sleep, repeat. I don’t know who said this, but he or she was a genius! So, trying to keep us busy with toys and different objects may or may not work, depending on our mood. One day we could find a paper bag amazing and the other utterly boring. You, human, should not abandon the purpose of amusing us and you should keep trying finding potential nice things for us to play with.

Now, back to me and Spock… I think our biggest amusement source is fooling around with the wood houses. The human puts under them some puppy pads because we usually sleep, wee and poop inside, but we just love ramming them around making a huge mess! Usually, I fall asleep in one of them, Spock decides he wants to sleep in the same one, I refuse to get out, and he starts pushing it with me inside. Before this, he growls and prowls around my house in a futile attempt to convince me to step out. Of course I refuse.

We only have photos because every time she tries to record us, we stop. 😀

Sometimes we just move the wood houses with the sole purpose of making a mess and see the hf’s face when she discovers what we’d been up to. She tries putting everything back in good order, but in 5 minutes the mess is back! Also, sometimes we are just not in the mood of elongating us for the hay and we push the wood house under the manger and then comfortably install ourselves on top of it and chew hay.spock_data_wood_houses

Except this very demanding activity, we also get from time to time some willow stuffs to chew on. For example, a willow tube. It takes weeks to finish it, but it’s super fun to drag it all over the place, get inside, come up with a chewing strategy and consume it. Some paper bags filled with hay are also a nice way to pass the time, especially when the bag is large enough for one piggy to sleep in, but not for both of us. So, the other one needs wait his turn and pushing the bag around it’s a no go due to the fact that it’s not as solid as our houses.



Oh, and I almost forgot! Stealing veggies from each other’s months and running in the wood house and hiding with them can be also super fun.


So, see, human, we manage to amuse ourselves very well. Anyway, before buying/giving us new toys, make sure they are safe for us and we couldn’t get heart or poisoned by playing with them.

Spock's tales

How to keep your humans mentally fitted

spock_profile_2It is well known that the humans tend to relax and forget their main duty towards us if we only act cute and ask for food. So, from time to time and with no exaggeration, we need to give them a gentle push and activate their sleepy neurons. OK, maybe is not always gentle the push, but it is needed.

As I am super busy planning the world domination, I let Data dealing with this. Just because I’ve noticed the hf became super relaxed and more preoccupied with shopping for the future little biped. Data thought and thought about how to activate her brain and the only solution found was to make his wee reddish every other day. In the beginning I had no idea what was happening. I’ve just saw Data super preoccupied with his urine and the human turning white face one morning.

The hf had no idea which of us was responsible for the reddish liquid, so she became even more whitish. Just that the next day our bedding was normal again. And after one or two das again some reddish traces… She became so desperate (there were no other signs of illness) that she started to take photos to see what happens with our wee pattern while she is not home.

After 10 days of intermittent stress applied on her brain, she took it very seriously and almost decided to separate us in order to check which of us was responsible and then to take us to the vet. That was the moment when I felt it was time to interfere and ask Data to put an end to this joke. I really felt that we would end up in the vet cabinet with some injections in our white butts… So, on Sunday morning Data revealed to her that it was he the one peeing reddish, but forgot to tell her also why.

The hf spent the whole Sunday taking photos of Data’s wee and discussing the issue with some very experienced human servants. Finally, while she was washing her hair, her brain woke up and she realized that Data was chewing more than me from a willow tube and that the reddish colour of his wee was connected to this. I suppose that while she was washing her hair some water got to the brain and helped irrigating it…

willow tube

After this mystery was solved, she relaxed once again. But not for long! 😀 Because Kirk decided to help us and produced no poop at all on Monday night. I have no idea how he did it and I really think it’s amazing for an athletic piggy like him to eat a significant amount of veggies, pellets and hay and produce no poop during 8 hours. But it was sufficient for the hf to get stressed once again. Just that this time she asked the hm to check on Kirk’s poops the next day. But Kirk couldn’t keep the prank for longer than that night and the day after pooped also what he kept inside for the night. Sorry, we have no photo with Kirk or his poop.

So, this is how you keep fresh the mind of your human servants.

Kirk's tales

It’s my birthday!

kirk_profile_2Yeah, humans! It’s my birthday! I turn two today! I am happy and I am expecting a lot of gifts. No one can refuse me anything today. Oh, I can really be a drama queen. I am super excited!

So, humans, come and bare gifts! I would like the following: veggies, celery leaf, veggies, pellets, more pellets. And I am sure you could find some other things suitable to be chewed by a VIP like me.

I am gorgeous and I know it! And it’s my birthday! So today I am the master of disaster. I look forward to seeing what the guys are giving me. With the humans it’s easy: it will be food. They are not very creative creatures…

I would love to write you more, but I must go now to ram around and be happy and bully Worf through the fence (once per year is allowed!). Oh, and I must eat to keep me fit. After all, 1.4 kilos need fuel.

By the way, Data prepared some photos with me since I was a pup. I just hope there is nothing embarrassing there…

Kirk 2yAm I gorgeous or what?!


Wof's tales

Again, a bath!

worf_profile_2Really, our hf needs some therapy! Few days ago she checked my fur and stated I have again some lice. Not a bad case, but still… So, she decided I would need a bath with some fancy-crazy-all-natural shampoo.  And this knowing that I do not like baths. OK, she may have been right about the lice, but still! To give me a bath! She is just lucky that I am the smallest one!

So… Saturday morning, after cleaning my pen, she took me to the bathroom, put me in the sink and started to clean me. Of course I’ve tried to escape, but apparently I am not as crazy as Spock and instead of climbing up on her, I’ve tried to jump from the sink. Following this, she gave me some speech about how I should not attempt suicide. Oh, dear! That was the moment when I realized her brain was still sleeping… I mean what guinea pig would attempt something like this when has such an important mission of watching upon a human?!

Anyhow, after the bath she put me on the radiator in a pink towel under the supervision of the hm. What a disgrace! A pink towel! Thank all guinea pigs gods that the hm was passing me some pellets also and this made the pink towel bearable.


Finally, I’ve managed to get back to my room where there was no wood house to hide. But I’ve got a small paper bag with some hay in it. Very smart of the hf! Because I’ve tried to turn in that bag but it was almost impossible and the only outcome was that I got hay in my wet silky fur. Brilliant! And this is another proof that her neurons run away from her brain. Anyway, I kind of look cute in the bag.


When the wood house came back (it was also washed!), I demanded for two extra fleece blankets and prepared myself a nice nest.


And I’ve punished the hf for this unbelievable gesture of bathing me! First I asked to be held and climbed in the hood of her anorak, so she had to spend about one hour wearing somehow her hood (inside) and holding it to create a proper space for me. I know it’s difficult to explain and unfortunately we have no photos: she was busy keeping me not to fall. Oh, and I forgot to mention that I was still wet and chose to nest on the back of her neck.

Few hours later, I asked again to be held and this time I felt asleep on her belly while supported by her right arm. So she had no chance to use that arm for an hour and a half and she had to type only with her left hand. All the other piggies were super amused and Kirk event thought he was revenged (he also got a bath the same morning).

OK, now I’ll go and take a nap… Or poop. Or eat. It’s a hard life…

Data's tales

Rules for the humans

data_profile_2I feel we need to reiterate some rules for the humans. Just because I’ve noticed lately that our servants tend to forget their duties and to find a lot of excuses for not taking awesome care of us…

So, human, first of all, you need to understand that we are your number one priority. We do not care you need to go to pee as soon as you wake up and we do not care you need to drop the bags when you enter the house. Your first reflex when entering/passing by our room should be to come, caress us and check if we have everything we want. By the way, please don’t pass through our rooms during the night: we would think you are there to feed us.

Next, you need to understand that what we want may be different than what you think we need. And as much as you try to convince us that something is not good for us, we will still look at you with that crying face and ask for our favourite treat or more pellets or anything else you refuse to give us. Fight as much as you want but at some point you will give in!

Do not rustle a bag if you don’t mean it! Also, don’t you dare open the fridge if your intention is not to feed us. So, plan in advance your day, open the fridge only twice when you also feed us and rustle bags at the same time. If not, we will punish you for disobeying and for interrupting us for nothing and we will shout and scream like is the end of the guinea pigs’ world.

Do not assume we like baths! Honestly, why would you imagine we would first sleep close to our pee and poop and then wait quietly for a bath?! Dying our bellies in that yellowish colour takes time and hard work and you ruin our efforts every time you bath us. Still, if you insist, expect a hell of a fight, scratches, biting and every other unwanted behaviour. And you are not allowed to get upset because we are the cutest thing you’ve ever seen.

Most important, don’t forget you are in our service not the other way around. So every you plan something ahead, you should seek our approval. We may give it to you if you made sure beforehand we would have plenty of fresh veggies and our special treats.

OK, human, now you can go and pee! Come back after and tell me if you got it right. Bring some celery leaf!

PS: This is me while planning how to rule Facebook!