So, human, first of all, you need to understand that we are your number one priority. We do not care you need to go to pee as soon as you wake up and we do not care you need to drop the bags when you enter the house. Your first reflex when entering/passing by our room should be to come, caress us and check if we have everything we want. By the way, please don’t pass through our rooms during the night: we would think you are there to feed us.
Next, you need to understand that what we want may be different than what you think we need. And as much as you try to convince us that something is not good for us, we will still look at you with that crying face and ask for our favourite treat or more pellets or anything else you refuse to give us. Fight as much as you want but at some point you will give in!
Do not rustle a bag if you don’t mean it! Also, don’t you dare open the fridge if your intention is not to feed us. So, plan in advance your day, open the fridge only twice when you also feed us and rustle bags at the same time. If not, we will punish you for disobeying and for interrupting us for nothing and we will shout and scream like is the end of the guinea pigs’ world.
Do not assume we like baths! Honestly, why would you imagine we would first sleep close to our pee and poop and then wait quietly for a bath?! Dying our bellies in that yellowish colour takes time and hard work and you ruin our efforts every time you bath us. Still, if you insist, expect a hell of a fight, scratches, biting and every other unwanted behaviour. And you are not allowed to get upset because we are the cutest thing you’ve ever seen.
Most important, don’t forget you are in our service not the other way around. So every you plan something ahead, you should seek our approval. We may give it to you if you made sure beforehand we would have plenty of fresh veggies and our special treats.
OK, human, now you can go and pee! Come back after and tell me if you got it right. Bring some celery leaf!
PS: This is me while planning how to rule Facebook!