Kirk's tales

Humans went to Paris

kirk_profile_2We’ve told you before and we are repeating: humans are weird! And understanding them is the secret key to a happy life. Because if you release the leash a little bit they have the impression of freedom and they come back to us more energetic.

So, we said nothing few months ago when our humans booked tickets to Paris for two days. We had a feeling it won’t be a good idea given the fact the baby was too small and the weather too hot, but we kept our mouths shut. Our only concern was who was going to feed us those two days. But the hf found a reliable person…

That colleague of her had no idea about veggie portioning so we’ve got plenty of them. Also true for the pellets. The fun part was that she was not cleaning our cages too, so on Friday evening when the humans came back we had piles of leftovers in our pens. Thanks all gods the hf was busy with the baby and the hm forgot to mention this to her.

The two days at home without the humans were very useful for us because we finally got some time on our own. Lately, due to the baby, the hf is always around and we had no time to listen to our thoughts. So we took the chance and analyzed our feelings regarding the little biped. We must admit that even if it was a little bit shocking in the beginning, now it gets better. And starting September they will be out of the house during the day so we go back to some normality.

Now we’ve found the photos from Paris in her laptop and I must admit I have no idea why someone would leave home for two days just to see a bunch of iron pieces…


interviews, Spock's tales

Interview with Twinkie

My turn to post an interview with a fellow furry friend! And I’ve asked Twinkie, an American piggy, who first had some negligent humans to take care of him. But now he’s in good hands, fortunately! So, let’s start.

Spock: Dear Twinkie, please tell us something about you. Where were you born?

Twinkie: I was born to a breeder around January or February 2014, and sold to a pet store in Tuscaloosa, Alabama. A nice family from California bought me from the pet store when I was a few months young. No one knew if I was a boy or girl, so the family just called me Twinkie.

Spock: Hmmm, pet shop! I feel you, bro. But how you got your current humans?

Twinkie: My humans met me at a Super Bowl party earlier this year hosted by the California. (A Super Bowl is not a huge serving of veggies, but an American game where big guys try to hit the person holding a football. Yeah, weird, I know. Humans.) Anyway, the momma human was very sad when she saw me. I had no hidey, no hay, no water, no veggies. I did have a cat sitting on top of my cage and kids who were playing rough with me – when they remembered me. My human momma asked the kids for my name, and two of the three kids could not name me.

Two days later, my human momma asked my old humans if she could have me as a friend to her two older boars. The old family was very happy to let me leave. On the day I left, only the human dad came out to say bye to me. None of the kids said bye to me. They did not notice I was gone for several days. From my old house, my new human momma, her son, and his friend took me to the vet, where I was told I was in great shape. This made my new family very happy.

twinkie1Twinkie and his human momma

Spock: Oh, poor you! Tell me more about the period when you were neglected? How did affect you? (Maybe other humans will learn something from your story…)

Twinkie: When I was with my old humans, I was scared a lot, so I just stood and froze in a corner of my cage since I didn’t have a hidey. Why was I scared? Well, the cat sat on top of my cage and stared at me. That was not nice. The kids were rough with me, but didn’t know my name. And, the family dog howled all the time. My new humans did not care much for the dog howling during the Super Bowl, especially my human momma. She is a football fan, and she could not hear the announcers over the howling in the house. I was a very nervous piggy when I met my new humans. Once I got to my new family, I was able to relax without worrying about a cat or dog eating me or a teenager being rough with me. It is nice to hear people call me by my name. I feel like a member of a family now.

Spock: Nice of your new humans. By the way, have you managed to train them well? What do you apreciate in them?

Twinkie: My humans really love me. I had to bite my human mom one time because she was giving me so many kisses and hugs that I could not move. I bit her in the hand. She now knows to only give me a few kisses. My human teenager told me that the human mom always tries to hug him, but he runs away from her. Sometimes. My human mom knows that when I climb the walls in my cage in the morning, she has to bring me food before I wheek and wake up my human dad and the human teenager (although the human teenager sleeps through thunderstorms, so maybe my wheeking might not bother him).

And, speaking of food, my humans have been awesome in teaching me about veggies. I never got veggies from my old family. When came home from my first vet visit, the human momma put me in my cage with fresh water, hay, a new hidey, and bamboo hay holders. Then, she put a bowl of green and red stuff in my cage. There wasn’t a lot of food in it. Cilantro and tomatoes were my first treat. I didn’t eat the food at first since I was not used to it. After two or three weeks, I started eating the different veggies she fed me. Now, after six months with my new human family, I eat almost all the veggies they give me. And, sometimes I get a blueberry or strawberry or pear. Um, can someone tell the human momma that I do not like zucchini? She keeps trying to feed me that stuff, and I keep tossing it out of my food bowl (Fluffy taught me how to do that – cool trick). I have gained a little bit of weight from eating all the veggies. I do zoomies so I don’t get too fat from the lettuce, corn, endive, and bell peppers.

twinkie3Twinkie and some basil

Spock: I get you with the zucchini! Our human also insists with it and we refuse every time. But let’s go on… How about your flat mates? What do you think about them?

Twinkie: Fluffy and Kiwi. I don’t know what to say about them. This makes me a bit sad. The human momma took me from her friend’s house because she did not like the way I was living (the mean kids, howling dog, cat on my cage, and all). But, she also thought she could bond me with her two boars, Kiwi and Fluffy (she adopted them from a class room in June 2013). When she took me home, my humans quarantined me for three weeks in my cage. I got alone time in the playpen and enjoyed being free to run without worrying about a dog or cat getting me. After three weeks, she started bonding me with Kiwi and Fluffy. At first, things went well. After one week of playdates with the “big boars” (that’s what mom calls Kiwi and Fluffy), I moved in with Kiwi and Fluffy into their 2 x 7 c&c cage.

At first, things went well. The three of us got along fine. As I got to know the big boars, I wanted to play with them more and more. Well, they didn’t feel the same way. They did not appreciate my teenage energy and fun spirit. Kiwi really had a problem with me. He would rumble strut and chatter his teeth when I walked by, and finally he would charge at me. At first I let him “win,” but after a while, I needed to defend myself. My humans were always breaking up our fights. A few weeks ago, my human momma found clumps of Kiwi’s black fur in the cage. She was not sure whether Kiwi pulled out his own fur due to stress or if I pulled the fur off of Kiwi during a fight, but she was sure it was time for me to be moved from the big boars.

My old cage was reassembled and it was placed in the kitchen. I was sad for the first few days because I no longer lived in the c&c cage with Kiwi and Fluffy. My humans noticed my sadness and made sure to give me extra healthy treats (an extra piece of fruit, fresh basil) and extra floor time. After living on my own for two weeks, I am doing little zoomies in my cage and enjoying kitchen time with my human momma. I can see her when she is making our salads. I stand up on my back legs and give her “sad eyes,” and she runs over to give me scratchies or an extra treat. I am definitely a good human momma trainer! While my human dad sometimes talks about rehoming me so that I am not alone (something that makes me very, very sad), my human momma has told me she has no intention of letting me go. She might try to rebond me with the big boars when I get older or she just might let me live on my own and enjoy life as a solo pig. All I know is that I am happy no dogs or cats can eat me.

Spock: Veggies! Let me grb a snack, now that you reminded me. 😀 What is your favourite activity? And food?

Twinkie: My favorite activity is spending time in my playpen or free-ranging. I run really fast in big circles in the playpen and I enjoy kitchen floor time. I run back and forth between my human mom and my human teenager. They like it when I run in the kitchen. Fluffy and Kiwi do not like floor time; they stand their like statutes, so the humans really like it when I do zoomies in the kitchen.

Spock: He he! I understand you. I never sit still. Not even when I’m sleeping. 🙂 Tell us something funny about you?

Twinkie: I am the energizer pig, especially compared to Kiwi and Fluffy. My humans like to watch me do zoomies in my playpen, in the kitchen, and on the couch. I do not like to be still for long. There is so much exploring to do! I really like it when my humans scratch me from my nose to the top of my head. I rest my head on ground (the human momma calls this pancaking – is this bad?), close my eyes, and relax. It is one of the few times in the day when I am still.

Spock: And something funny about your humans?

Twinkie: My human dad gives me baby talk, even though I am a teenage pig, and my human momma gives the human teenager baby talk. The human teenager and I think the baby talk is really silly, but if it makes the human dad and human mom happy, we just put up with it. Human parents seem to want their two- and four-legged family members to be babies.

Spock: Anything else interesting?

Twinkie: I am the energizer pig of the family. My humans like to watch me do zoomies in my playpen, in the kitchen, and on the couch. I do not like to be still for long. There is so much exploring to do! I am also the only piggy in the house who likes to sit on my humans’ chests. Kiwi and Fluffy are nice lap pigs; I am a chest pig. Part of the reason I am a chest pick is because it gives me a better view of the TV. My human momma lets me sit on her chest and she gives me scratchies while we watch baseball games and comedies and news together. Yes, I like TV. Does that make me bad?

Spock: Thank you Twinkie for your honesty and for sharing your experience with us. I really hope your story will make some humans think more about their responsibilities when they accept taking care of a furry friend.

twinkie2Just Twinkie


interviews, Wof's tales

Interview with Seppo (Schweinebande)


For today we’ve prepared an interview with a handsome German male who spends his days with several females. I would say he is a lucky one, but apparantly the ladies can be a pain in the bum with all their chit-chatting.

Of course the honour was mine, as I am the truly handsome one in our gang. (Don’t tell Kirk I said so!)

Worf: Could you, please tell us something about you? Like a short introduction – date of birth, place, race…

Seppo: My full name is Seppo Agent Gibbs (I am of course really intelligent so this name fits perfect 😉 ) but they just call me Seppo :) . I was born in November 2010 and lived the first months in a childrens room with my sister and our baby. Then we came to a cavy shelter of a nice young woman who looked for forever homes for all of us. In July 2011 I was brought to my new biped. I have met my new nice ladies and we became the Schweinebande. 🙂


Worf: Nice name for your gang! Tell me more about your human. Was it difficult to train her to respond promptly to your needs?

Seppo: No. Our biped is clever and she knows what a piggy wants. 🙂 Moreover she is veeeery influenceable by wide saaaad piggy eyes. 😉 You only have to look a bit suffering and you will get everything you wish. Humans are so easy to train. 😉

Worf: Yes, you are right. My humans still consider me “the little one” although I gained weight and I’m bigger than the two white ones… But back to you! You are living the dream of any guinea pig male: living with a harem. How is it like to live with four ladies?

Seppo: Sometimes it’s a bit stressful because all of my ladies want to have time with me without the others. I’m never alone in my house. 😉 Apart from that I love the life with them. 🙂 I never want to be alone.


Worf: Too bad you had to pay the price for this to happend! I understand you’ve been neutered before you joined the herd. How did they managed to convince you ? (I mean I don’t think I would ever accept something like this…)

Seppo: I was neutered in the cavy shelter. To be honest, yes, first I was shocked. But they said: Either you will be neutered and get some ladies or you will join a group of piggy boys. Urgs, boy group… No, I have choosen the ladies. 😉 Furthermore I already had two little babys with my sister at that time and so I agreed to be neutered.

Worf: Let’s talk about very important things for a guinea pig. What is your favorite food? And activity?

Seppo: I love love love grass. 🙂 And melon… and apple…. and herbs….. and seeds……and cucumber…. oh, I love every food. 🙂 Activity? I only like to relax and sleep. 🙂

Worf: Well you have quite a life! In the end, before you go back to your meadow and your ladies, tell me something funny about you.

Seppo: I like pink pillows… I know that this is a “girl colour”…. But I love pink. I never sleep in a house that has a pillow with another colour. My biped takes care that there is always a pink pillow in MY house. If not I sleep in the house where the pink pillow is. 😉

Unfortunately we don’t have a photo of Seppo and his pink pillow, but we have one of him and some flowers. 😀


Data's tales, interviews

Interview with HRH Arlo

data_profile_2Today it is my turn to interview one prominent figure of our world. For this article we had to delegate our specialist in communication and social media, so it was obvious I should do the interview. But let’s get to the point.

Dear furry readers, humans, I would like to introduce you HRH Arlo. Although he is a self proclaimed king, because most of us don’t really care about politics, we gladly accept his ruling. (I hope he won’t read this last phrase.)

Data: Your Royal Highness could you, please, introduce yourself? Where were you born, when and from which race you descend?

HRH Arlo: I was born on December 21st, 2012. Remember the uproar about the Aztec calendar and how the world would undergo a great change on that day? It was me, of course. My birthday is celebrated the world over. People hang up lights, decorate trees, my hairless ape slave even lights candles in what she calls a menorah for eight days. You really can’t miss it. I don’t remember where I was born.

My vet doctor calls me a lavender because of my coloring and eye color, he also says that I am a cross between an Abyssinian and a Peruvian.

Data: Please clarify some things for the less informed readers of our fabulous blog, especially humans. Over what kingdom are you ruling? It’s a little bit confusing: you live in the USA, you speak about The Tower…

HRH Arlo: This isn’t confusing at all really. The Guinea Pig Kingdom lies wherever guinea pigs are found. It’s not a place with borders. I am the King of all guinea pigs, no matter where that may be. The slaves have their own areas. They put borders around them and elect or appoint leaders over their burroughs. This shows the abject inferiority of the hairless ape slaves. They can’t handle living without border lines and must have someone to rule over them. No one seems to be able to rule them all, they are that out of hand, so each burrough has leaders and each burrough has its own sections with leaders in those areas. Such madness. The Tower is in a place the slaves call London.

Data: What do you do in your life? Everyone of us is curious about how a King spends his days…

HRH Arlo: I am King of the Guinea Pig Kingdom. I have lots of duties. I hold court in my pigloo, I talk to my advisors. Last week, there was an attack on our kingdom. Bombs were going off for a week, culminating on the 4th . It was my duty to protect the royal residence and get our army ready for a counterattack. I attended talks with the heads of the other Kingdoms to discuss what should be done. The Rabbit King was there, the Kings of the Mice, Gerbils, Hamsters and so forth. I have a very busy life. I relax by demanding my slave scratch my belly and groom and massage my fur.

Data: Let’s talk a little bit about your human. Every piggy has a human but I suppose your must be special. So how did you end up with your human and what do you think about her?

HRH Arlo: You must be talking about the slave. My mother always told me I was special; meant for special things. She told me that a slave would be chosen to take me to my palace and care for me. When I was three weeks old I was given to my slave and placed in my palace with food, alfalfa, Timothy Hay, food and veggies and a bedroom in which to hide. A few days later I was taken to the vet doctor. I was not pleased but he gave me a full physical and dental check. He anointed me with a drop between my ears. He called it a protection from mites if I may have any. I can assure you I did not.

2013-01-15 20.21.57

My hairless, ape slave is adequate. She makes sure that my living quarters are clean and my bowl is always overflowing with food, my residence is always overflowing with hay and fresh water. I get plenty of fresh yummies everyday. When I am sick or need a mani‐pedi she promptly takes me to the vet doctor. More often than not I get my belly scratches, grooming and fur massages. She can be strange. Twice a day she rips off her fur and puts new fur on. Once a day, she rips off her fur and gets under a waterfall. She could drown! She says she’s grooming herself. Wouldn’t it just be easier to use her tongue like the rest of us do? This slave doesn’t have a lot of fur and every once in a while a friend of hers comes over and pours a liquid on her legs and her face around the fur above her eyes. Then the friend takes a cloth and rips the fur off of her legs and some around her eyes. She gives this friend paper money or baked food to rip her fur out. Can you believe that? And sometimes she just talks into this box she puts to her ear. There’s no one there but she talks and laughs. She can be a strange one.

Data: Was it hard to train your human to respond to your needs?

HRH Arlo: Yes, and it still is. That girl can be so insolent. She’s stubborn as well. Do you know she will delay my royal breakfast so she can have a beverage called coffee? She often delays attention I want when she comes home just so she can unwind for five minutes. Insolence! When there are elections it is terrible. She will spend hours away working on what she calls campaigns. She comes in very late and delays my royal dinner. Sometimes she’s too tired to give me my royal belly scratches. She needs constant training.

Data: Tell us a funny story about you and about your human.

HRH Arlo: I have already talked about the human. I have many funny stories. I like to frustrate the slave. She will put our dinner in nice bowls. I like to wait until she’s watching and take my nose and tip the bowl over. She watches helplessly telling me that I better not dare and I look at her and tip it over. Just to see the look on her face. It’s priceless. I also remember when the vet doctor was testing me for a stone. He didn’t find one but I peed on his white coat to show him my dissatisfaction. The slave was so embarrassed. It was very funny.

Data: How is it to share your human with 3 other piggies? What do you think about your cohabitants?

HRH Arlo: I am not always happy about her attention to the others but they are part of the royal family and I simply have to insist that, for appearance sake, the royal family be treated as a royal family should. I think Barry is a troublemaker. He is older and abdicated the throne as he realized I was more fit to be King. He wanted to spend his time on more frivolous things. He is good at keeping the others in line but he also tells them they don’t have to fear me and that is just unacceptable. Garfunkel is very young and still not very mature. He was abandoned as a baby so he follows Barry everywhere. Barry is a mentor for him. Garfunkel needs to pay more attention to his cleanliness. The slave has to bathe him constantly. He’s a typical teenager. Daltry is well‐mannered but quite insecure from having so many homes. He is very cultured but very neurotic too.

Data: How about sharing your residence with Daltry?

HRH Arlo: I was not happy at first because I didn’t want to share the royal residency. The slave explained that he was lonely. Barry and Garfunkel have each other. Then I saw the small living quarters in which he arrived. No pig in the royal family will live like that. I acquiesced. It’s been a challenge but he grooms me and there is now twice the food, water, hay and yummies. Plus, I hear that Daltry has a sizable trust fund. That could be useful.

Data: How about an heir to your kingdom? Tell us more about your love life.

HRH Arlo: I had one great love. Her name was Ethel Rose and her beauty and grace were beyond compare. Leisa Eman was her slave. She became my Queen. Sadly, she passed away; she was a few years older than me. I have ordered statues erected throughout the Kingdom in her honor. At this time, I cannot foresee loving another. She bore me twins: Esther and Enoch. They have married and moved out. I hear from them often. Enoch has his own militia over which he reigns as general so it seems that when the time comes, Princess Esther will take over my throne. When we were together we took many trips and I showered my sow and pups with many gifts using the slave’s plastic money.

Data: What is your favorite food and activity?

HRH Arlo: I love watermelon and cantaloupe. It’s yummy. My favorite activities are my nightly snuggles and belly scratches. After a long day of ruling the Kingdom, a fur massage makes all the difference. When I am ready to go to my royal quarters, I simply pee on the slave to let her know.

Data: Anything else that might interest our readers?

HRH Arlo: Everything I do would interest your readers but there are things I must keep private for Kingdom security. I will say that after the hairless, ape slave called me spoiled, I looked it up and I encourage all guinea pigs in the Kingdom to demand spoiling. It’s wonderful. The wheeky pig gets the food so remember to wheek loudly.

HRH Arlo has a very interesting hairdo, as you can see from the pictures below. But I supose a King has to have something different than the rest of us.


IMAG0360Stay tune for another fabulous interview next Monday!

Spock's tales

The Naked Truth

spock_profile_2Almost one year ago the hf was making fun of me regarding my habit of piling up the food and hide it just because I was afraid someone would steal it, although I was living alone. You can find the original post here.

In the meanwhile I’m living with Data and I kept my habit. The humans are still making fun of me but now I have the prove that I’m not that crazy and that my food is being stolen with premeditation.

Surprisingly, the hf was more interested in capturing the scene than helping me! She shall pay! Please notice the planning and the diversion he came up with…

You see how tough it’s my life?!


Interview: Maggie the Peruvian Guinea Pig

kirk_profile_2Today is a big day! We are publishing our first interview and, of course, it was up to me top prepare it. I’m the Alpha Male after all. OK, also a drama queen, but still I must lead the gang into battle.

And we’ve picked a lady for the first interview. I mean it was logical: we are four boys and what other way of making lady friends than interviewing them?! Oh, but I’m already talking to much about myself and you may get bored. So let’s get to business.

Ladies and gentlemen today we are interviewing Maggie, the Peruvian Guinea Pig. She lives with a human called Laurie and she flatters her calling her “mama”. I must admit it’s a good tactic to get the human subdued. I’ve asked Maggie a couple of questions via Facebook and she, as a real lady, gave ample answers…

Kirk: Hi Maggie! Please introduce yourself.

Maggie: I was born in the wee hours of September 7, 2013. Mama was at her nephew’s first birthday party when she found out she was my mama! My fancy cavy name is “Black Magick’s Maggie.” Black Magick is the name of the caviary I came from. I am a self chocolate Peruvian purebred sow. I have dark ruby cast eyes. I wasn’t registered with the American Cavy Breeders Association because mama has a softie spot and wouldn’t pierce my ear with a metal tag. She also never intended to breed me. *WHEW, WHEEK!* My breeder says that I am as pure as the royal family. Mama picked four names out before I was born. The favourites were Foucault for a boy – after a French psychiatrist – and Maggie for a girl – after Margaret Atwood and Margaret Sanger. (Mama is a feminist.) I am a retired show pig. I was shown a few times in the Ontario Cavy Club and took two best of variety awards. I did not like being around other pigs, but I never bit a judge. Mama liked this club because they use tape to put numbers on our ears. I was the only chocolate Peruvian – I am special and unique. I have been to two cavy conventions with mama. My first show was when I was 10 wheeks old and mama had already trained me to sit still on my show board. I am a smart cookie.


Kirk: How and when did you pick your human? Do you think it was a good choice?

Maggie: Mama and I met when I was 3 days old. I think it was fate. She was waiting to love a piggie with her very big heart. She was looking to meet a healthy boy pig to show in cavy shows. My sister and I weren’t boys, but I made her heart melt. I was very teensy and I sat in her hand. I had attitude and she kept coming back to see me, LOTS, until I was four and a half wheeks old. She also brought her bird to meet me and we became friendly. I was a little scared, but she took me home and has been spoiling me rotten ever since. Why do I think it was fate? A couple reasons. I am aggressive, especially in my cage. Breeders don’t like that. I might have been put to sleep if mama didn’t pick me! *GASP* Mama has studied behaviour psychology and behaviour modification for humans. She spent a lot of time training me and loving me unconditionally. I have also got a lot of bladder and tummy troubles. For the past 6 wheeks, she’s been following a medicine plan from my vet. Sometimes medicine 3 times a day, plus probiotics, plus weighing my veggies and giving me water in a syringe! Some people say that piggies aren’t worth the trip to the vet’s. It was fate that mama picked me. A trip to the vet’s is the easy part.

Kirk: I can barely imagine how a lady like you could be aggressive… But let’s go on. How are your days going?

Maggie: Now that I’m feeling much better, my days are pretty great. Mama says it’s like I’m a different pig. I sleep in the open a lot more and I watch mama. I stand up on the sides of the cage and on the Lego house to get lovin’. When I want to be picked up, I lay down with my head on the fleece. Mama always notices. I like to go outside with her when it’s cooler and talk to the neighbours. She brings treats with her when we go out, because she tries very hard to make me socially acceptable. No biting! She gives me lots of praise when I sniff someone and say hello. Sometimes we visit greenhouses and talk to the staff. Sometimes we pick up nana from work and I sneak upstairs in the elevator! Her building is with the Royal Canadian Mounted Police (RCMP) and the officers often think I’m a baby all cuddled up in blankets. Surprise! She takes me to three different pet stores where I have friends. One pet store has birds that I can get up close to and I think they are fun to watch. I really like to be close to mama and watch television. I like the smooth talking home renovator shows and NCIS.


Kirk: Was it difficult to train your human to respond to your needs?

Maggie: Mama is very intuitive because she stays home a lot with me. She says that I’m predictable. For example, I tell her I need to pee by tugging on her shirt collar, always on her left side. She gets right up and puts me back into my cage. I get sad when I pee on her shirt. I cry. If I’m on nana though, I get a little crazy dance going on. Nana doesn’t understand that it’s an emergency if I pull on her shirt. Mama sees my crazy hip shaking dance and picks me up so I don’t pee on nana. She knows when my tummy is troubling me because she says I act differently and I talk differently. I think that’s special because she tries to fix me before I have really bad stasis. She is smart and takes me downstairs to pick veggies in our garden just before Jeopardy comes on TV. She makes herself tea and we dine in her bed. I trained her so well that she planted me a huge garden outside and I can share with my guinea pig royal family. We still go to visit! Now, I have to tell you something really special about her. I love noodle rugs. She found me my favourite one last year; it’s purple and perfectly sized to hold me, my food bowl and it soaks up my water bottle drips. She washes it once a week and then it’s fluffy. I can lay on it and you can see where my body was. Mama keeps finding other rugs, but they’re not the same. She went to a store an hour away and brought me home a MASSIVE one and now I have a noodle rug for veggie time. She had to wash it a few times to make it smell like mama. But now I like it. I have to work on one thing. Sometimes I’m sleeping on my fleece and she tries to pet me. I’M SLEEPING!!! Don’t scare me so. I sleep with my eyes shut sometimes, so she forgets that sometimes I’m sleeping with them open. She likes routines and I like her routines.

Kirk: I see that you have a very nice hairstyle. I mean I’m not a specialist, but it looks amazing. How do you manage to keep it this way?

Maggie: Mama is very well trained in piggie hairstyling. My breeder taught mama all about Peruvians before she would let mama take me home! She is a groomer by trade, but mostly spends her time doing doggies. We Peruvians need a little more TLC than you smooth coat boys do. Mama had only had smooth piggies before – only one of them ever needed a bath, and it was for his dirty bum. Like you guys! I get regular baths, depending on how dirty my hair gets. Usually between 2-4 weeks apart. It’s easier to stay clean in the winter when my humans aren’t hot and sticky, you know? Mama is a shampoo collector. She has itchy shampoos. Smelling good shampoos. Conditioners for when I have longer hair. Sometimes when I’m being kind of mean, she uses a lavender shampoo to help me relax. Guinea pigs have PMS, too. Mama bought special human hair scissors to cut my hair. She uses a bucket for me to stand on so she can give me a pretty haircut. She cuts my bangs EVERY WHEEK! The rest of my hair can be longer or shorter. I like longer sweeps in the winter because it keeps my feet covered. But when she cuts my hair shorter, I popcorn around and swish and twist. It feels good. The worst part is bum baths. If mama thinks my bum is dirty, sometimes she just washes that. Humiliating! After she washes and dries it, she clips it really short. I fuss sometimes, but it feels better. I don’t like it when mama grooms near my bum to comb out the tangles and that’s the main reason mama gave up showing me. She loves me more than judges. Sometimes my nana helps cuddle me so mama can do a good short trim. I like to jump off my bucket onto mama’s shoulder to make her stop. It’s not really getting away… but she cuddles me close and gives me a break. Sometimes treats, too.


Kirk: Tell me more about the other animals in your house. How do you get along with them?

Maggie: Right now it’s just me. I’ve been unwell for the last six months, so mama’s been holding off with any changes to the family. Partly because she says I cost more money than a mint makes… and partly because I’m very possessive of her. If she smells like another animal, I sometimes attack and bite her. I don’t mean it… but how could she?! She tried to bond me with my mother awhile back, but it did not go very well. Lilac didn’t stay with us and mama cried. Mama thinks I need a friend. I only like pregnant pigs!! That’s all. And maybe one boy, named George Lucas. He’s also part of the royal family. Mama says I don’t need a boyfriend. I used to have a Jimmy friend who was a budgie. She died when I was about 8 months old and mama was very sad. Part of the reason mama picked me was so I could come here to help Jimmy feel less sad after mama’s last piggie, Oreo, passed. I don’t know if mama was ready for me so soon. Oreo and Jimmy were very good friends and shared veggies every night! I didn’t get to know Jimmy up close and personal because she had a stroke and couldn’t fly anymore. But she sang and talked to me from her cage. Mama brought me to her cage and Jimmy would climb down to me, nose to nose. She would groom my whiskers!

Kirk: What is your favorite food? Why?

Maggie: My favourite food is definitely red swiss chard. It’s a very special treat because it’s crunchy and tasty and delicate. It has oxalates though, and mama has to be careful with plants like that because they can help make bladder stones. Since I only get chard once or twice a month…. My other favourite food might have to be cucumber. I rip it out of mama’s fingers and take it into my tunnel. I eat the green rind first. Then I eat the white part, carefully around and around. But I always leave the seeds. I don’t like seeds. Even strawberry ones!

Kirk: And activity?

Maggie: Does sleeping count? In my Lego house. In my tunnels. On mama. In my hay pile. On my fleece in my poop corner. On nana. In my car carrier. In my cozy cup. On mama’s big bed in the sunshine at night when the sun sets. Out in the garden when my mama reads on the lounge chair. On our porch swing. In my vet’s baby scale. In the kitty tent. If sleeping can’t count, it would be when mama rubs my ears. Both of them together, between her thumb and index fingers. They’re hairy and it feels so good that I shut my eyes and I make a big sigh.

Kirk: Well Maggie it was very nice interviewing you and I hope we’ll get the chance to talk more soon.

We will end tis post with a photo of Maggie at her first anniversary.


Keep close for a next interview next Monday – a guy living with four girls!

Data's tales

Big announcement!

data_profile_2Ta da da dam! We have an announcement to make and as I am the social media responsible, it’s on me!

So, my dear all, we have thought a lot and realized our knowledge should be passed to more humans to insure the proper care of our specie. We are seeing a lot of cases of Guinea Pigs abandoned, poorly cared for etc. and we’ve decided to do something about it. First step will be to write down a guide with general guide lines of how to take care of us. We will try to make it funny so that any human can understand it. I know it’s difficult for them to stay focused, so it is a real challenge to do so. We hope it will be finished by the end of August… Oh, and if there will be any income from this, most probably it will be donated to a Guinea Pigs’ rescue.

Next, not to stay so serious about life, we are planning a series of interviews with other piggies. Probably you will have a new funny story every Monday. We are now contacting piggies all around the world and try to convince them to participate and, most difficult, to share with us funny stories about their humans. If our hf behaves, maybe we will let her interview some other humans and post on our blog also. Oh, by the way, we are strating with a lady next Monday. 😀

Now this was a serious post! I’m not used with something like this… So I’ll end it up with a funny photo of me.