This is the human writing. A sad, restless human.
I was taking a shower this evening and started crying. It’s becoming a habit since Worf died last Thursday morning. Probably because it’s the only moment when I am somehow alone and no one would ask me what’s wrong.
This time is different. This time I cry, sob and silent scream. Because I finally manage to name what bothers me a lot.
I feel like I failed him. I am so so sorry that I failed him.
I deeply regret everything that happened, starting with his pododermatitis and the need to take him out three times per week for the laser therapy. And continuing with his pneumonia and our bad management of the situation.
He was our responsibility and we failed him.
Another very profound regret is that on Wednesday when I left him in the veterinary clinic, all small, looking bad and scared, I failed to hug him and tell him I loved him. I just hope he knew it.
I write all this while crying in my bed with my daughter in my arms and my son sleeping aside me. And the feeling that I failed Worf is so strong that I barely can breathe anymore.
I f@#£_& failed him! It’s all I can think about.
He is no longer here because us, the humans, the adults, took some bad decisions and failed him.
I failed him and I am so very sorry. I miss him and I must learn to live with this.
P.S. I really hope we’ve learned our lesson.
P.S. 2 If you ever feel that your veterinarian is not doing everything and you should ask for a second opinion, don’t hesitate. Ever!