Interview with Twinkie

My turn to post an interview with a fellow furry friend! And I’ve asked Twinkie, an American piggy, who first had some negligent humans to take care of him. But now he’s in good hands, fortunately! So, let’s start.

Spock: Dear Twinkie, please tell us something about you. Where were you born?

Twinkie: I was born to a breeder around January or February 2014, and sold to a pet store in Tuscaloosa, Alabama. A nice family from California bought me from the pet store when I was a few months young. No one knew if I was a boy or girl, so the family just called me Twinkie.

Spock: Hmmm, pet shop! I feel you, bro. But how you got your current humans?

Twinkie: My humans met me at a Super Bowl party earlier this year hosted by the California. (A Super Bowl is not a huge serving of veggies, but an American game where big guys try to hit the person holding a football. Yeah, weird, I know. Humans.) Anyway, the momma human was very sad when she saw me. I had no hidey, no hay, no water, no veggies. I did have a cat sitting on top of my cage and kids who were playing rough with me – when they remembered me. My human momma asked the kids for my name, and two of the three kids could not name me.

Two days later, my human momma asked my old humans if she could have me as a friend to her two older boars. The old family was very happy to let me leave. On the day I left, only the human dad came out to say bye to me. None of the kids said bye to me. They did not notice I was gone for several days. From my old house, my new human momma, her son, and his friend took me to the vet, where I was told I was in great shape. This made my new family very happy.

twinkie1Twinkie and his human momma

Spock: Oh, poor you! Tell me more about the period when you were neglected? How did affect you? (Maybe other humans will learn something from your story…)

Twinkie: When I was with my old humans, I was scared a lot, so I just stood and froze in a corner of my cage since I didn’t have a hidey. Why was I scared? Well, the cat sat on top of my cage and stared at me. That was not nice. The kids were rough with me, but didn’t know my name. And, the family dog howled all the time. My new humans did not care much for the dog howling during the Super Bowl, especially my human momma. She is a football fan, and she could not hear the announcers over the howling in the house. I was a very nervous piggy when I met my new humans. Once I got to my new family, I was able to relax without worrying about a cat or dog eating me or a teenager being rough with me. It is nice to hear people call me by my name. I feel like a member of a family now.

Spock: Nice of your new humans. By the way, have you managed to train them well? What do you apreciate in them?

Twinkie: My humans really love me. I had to bite my human mom one time because she was giving me so many kisses and hugs that I could not move. I bit her in the hand. She now knows to only give me a few kisses. My human teenager told me that the human mom always tries to hug him, but he runs away from her. Sometimes. My human mom knows that when I climb the walls in my cage in the morning, she has to bring me food before I wheek and wake up my human dad and the human teenager (although the human teenager sleeps through thunderstorms, so maybe my wheeking might not bother him).

And, speaking of food, my humans have been awesome in teaching me about veggies. I never got veggies from my old family. When came home from my first vet visit, the human momma put me in my cage with fresh water, hay, a new hidey, and bamboo hay holders. Then, she put a bowl of green and red stuff in my cage. There wasn’t a lot of food in it. Cilantro and tomatoes were my first treat. I didn’t eat the food at first since I was not used to it. After two or three weeks, I started eating the different veggies she fed me. Now, after six months with my new human family, I eat almost all the veggies they give me. And, sometimes I get a blueberry or strawberry or pear. Um, can someone tell the human momma that I do not like zucchini? She keeps trying to feed me that stuff, and I keep tossing it out of my food bowl (Fluffy taught me how to do that – cool trick). I have gained a little bit of weight from eating all the veggies. I do zoomies so I don’t get too fat from the lettuce, corn, endive, and bell peppers.

twinkie3Twinkie and some basil

Spock: I get you with the zucchini! Our human also insists with it and we refuse every time. But let’s go on… How about your flat mates? What do you think about them?

Twinkie: Fluffy and Kiwi. I don’t know what to say about them. This makes me a bit sad. The human momma took me from her friend’s house because she did not like the way I was living (the mean kids, howling dog, cat on my cage, and all). But, she also thought she could bond me with her two boars, Kiwi and Fluffy (she adopted them from a class room in June 2013). When she took me home, my humans quarantined me for three weeks in my cage. I got alone time in the playpen and enjoyed being free to run without worrying about a dog or cat getting me. After three weeks, she started bonding me with Kiwi and Fluffy. At first, things went well. After one week of playdates with the “big boars” (that’s what mom calls Kiwi and Fluffy), I moved in with Kiwi and Fluffy into their 2 x 7 c&c cage.

At first, things went well. The three of us got along fine. As I got to know the big boars, I wanted to play with them more and more. Well, they didn’t feel the same way. They did not appreciate my teenage energy and fun spirit. Kiwi really had a problem with me. He would rumble strut and chatter his teeth when I walked by, and finally he would charge at me. At first I let him “win,” but after a while, I needed to defend myself. My humans were always breaking up our fights. A few weeks ago, my human momma found clumps of Kiwi’s black fur in the cage. She was not sure whether Kiwi pulled out his own fur due to stress or if I pulled the fur off of Kiwi during a fight, but she was sure it was time for me to be moved from the big boars.

My old cage was reassembled and it was placed in the kitchen. I was sad for the first few days because I no longer lived in the c&c cage with Kiwi and Fluffy. My humans noticed my sadness and made sure to give me extra healthy treats (an extra piece of fruit, fresh basil) and extra floor time. After living on my own for two weeks, I am doing little zoomies in my cage and enjoying kitchen time with my human momma. I can see her when she is making our salads. I stand up on my back legs and give her “sad eyes,” and she runs over to give me scratchies or an extra treat. I am definitely a good human momma trainer! While my human dad sometimes talks about rehoming me so that I am not alone (something that makes me very, very sad), my human momma has told me she has no intention of letting me go. She might try to rebond me with the big boars when I get older or she just might let me live on my own and enjoy life as a solo pig. All I know is that I am happy no dogs or cats can eat me.

Spock: Veggies! Let me grb a snack, now that you reminded me. 😀 What is your favourite activity? And food?

Twinkie: My favorite activity is spending time in my playpen or free-ranging. I run really fast in big circles in the playpen and I enjoy kitchen floor time. I run back and forth between my human mom and my human teenager. They like it when I run in the kitchen. Fluffy and Kiwi do not like floor time; they stand their like statutes, so the humans really like it when I do zoomies in the kitchen.

Spock: He he! I understand you. I never sit still. Not even when I’m sleeping. 🙂 Tell us something funny about you?

Twinkie: I am the energizer pig, especially compared to Kiwi and Fluffy. My humans like to watch me do zoomies in my playpen, in the kitchen, and on the couch. I do not like to be still for long. There is so much exploring to do! I really like it when my humans scratch me from my nose to the top of my head. I rest my head on ground (the human momma calls this pancaking – is this bad?), close my eyes, and relax. It is one of the few times in the day when I am still.

Spock: And something funny about your humans?

Twinkie: My human dad gives me baby talk, even though I am a teenage pig, and my human momma gives the human teenager baby talk. The human teenager and I think the baby talk is really silly, but if it makes the human dad and human mom happy, we just put up with it. Human parents seem to want their two- and four-legged family members to be babies.

Spock: Anything else interesting?

Twinkie: I am the energizer pig of the family. My humans like to watch me do zoomies in my playpen, in the kitchen, and on the couch. I do not like to be still for long. There is so much exploring to do! I am also the only piggy in the house who likes to sit on my humans’ chests. Kiwi and Fluffy are nice lap pigs; I am a chest pig. Part of the reason I am a chest pick is because it gives me a better view of the TV. My human momma lets me sit on her chest and she gives me scratchies while we watch baseball games and comedies and news together. Yes, I like TV. Does that make me bad?

Spock: Thank you Twinkie for your honesty and for sharing your experience with us. I really hope your story will make some humans think more about their responsibilities when they accept taking care of a furry friend.

twinkie2Just Twinkie



Interview with Seppo (Schweinebande)


For today we’ve prepared an interview with a handsome German male who spends his days with several females. I would say he is a lucky one, but apparantly the ladies can be a pain in the bum with all their chit-chatting.

Of course the honour was mine, as I am the truly handsome one in our gang. (Don’t tell Kirk I said so!)

Worf: Could you, please tell us something about you? Like a short introduction – date of birth, place, race…

Seppo: My full name is Seppo Agent Gibbs (I am of course really intelligent so this name fits perfect 😉 ) but they just call me Seppo :) . I was born in November 2010 and lived the first months in a childrens room with my sister and our baby. Then we came to a cavy shelter of a nice young woman who looked for forever homes for all of us. In July 2011 I was brought to my new biped. I have met my new nice ladies and we became the Schweinebande. 🙂


Worf: Nice name for your gang! Tell me more about your human. Was it difficult to train her to respond promptly to your needs?

Seppo: No. Our biped is clever and she knows what a piggy wants. 🙂 Moreover she is veeeery influenceable by wide saaaad piggy eyes. 😉 You only have to look a bit suffering and you will get everything you wish. Humans are so easy to train. 😉

Worf: Yes, you are right. My humans still consider me “the little one” although I gained weight and I’m bigger than the two white ones… But back to you! You are living the dream of any guinea pig male: living with a harem. How is it like to live with four ladies?

Seppo: Sometimes it’s a bit stressful because all of my ladies want to have time with me without the others. I’m never alone in my house. 😉 Apart from that I love the life with them. 🙂 I never want to be alone.


Worf: Too bad you had to pay the price for this to happend! I understand you’ve been neutered before you joined the herd. How did they managed to convince you ? (I mean I don’t think I would ever accept something like this…)

Seppo: I was neutered in the cavy shelter. To be honest, yes, first I was shocked. But they said: Either you will be neutered and get some ladies or you will join a group of piggy boys. Urgs, boy group… No, I have choosen the ladies. 😉 Furthermore I already had two little babys with my sister at that time and so I agreed to be neutered.

Worf: Let’s talk about very important things for a guinea pig. What is your favorite food? And activity?

Seppo: I love love love grass. 🙂 And melon… and apple…. and herbs….. and seeds……and cucumber…. oh, I love every food. 🙂 Activity? I only like to relax and sleep. 🙂

Worf: Well you have quite a life! In the end, before you go back to your meadow and your ladies, tell me something funny about you.

Seppo: I like pink pillows… I know that this is a “girl colour”…. But I love pink. I never sleep in a house that has a pillow with another colour. My biped takes care that there is always a pink pillow in MY house. If not I sleep in the house where the pink pillow is. 😉

Unfortunately we don’t have a photo of Seppo and his pink pillow, but we have one of him and some flowers. 😀


Interview with HRH Arlo

data_profile_2Today it is my turn to interview one prominent figure of our world. For this article we had to delegate our specialist in communication and social media, so it was obvious I should do the interview. But let’s get to the point.

Dear furry readers, humans, I would like to introduce you HRH Arlo. Although he is a self proclaimed king, because most of us don’t really care about politics, we gladly accept his ruling. (I hope he won’t read this last phrase.)

Data: Your Royal Highness could you, please, introduce yourself? Where were you born, when and from which race you descend?

HRH Arlo: I was born on December 21st, 2012. Remember the uproar about the Aztec calendar and how the world would undergo a great change on that day? It was me, of course. My birthday is celebrated the world over. People hang up lights, decorate trees, my hairless ape slave even lights candles in what she calls a menorah for eight days. You really can’t miss it. I don’t remember where I was born.

My vet doctor calls me a lavender because of my coloring and eye color, he also says that I am a cross between an Abyssinian and a Peruvian.

Data: Please clarify some things for the less informed readers of our fabulous blog, especially humans. Over what kingdom are you ruling? It’s a little bit confusing: you live in the USA, you speak about The Tower…

HRH Arlo: This isn’t confusing at all really. The Guinea Pig Kingdom lies wherever guinea pigs are found. It’s not a place with borders. I am the King of all guinea pigs, no matter where that may be. The slaves have their own areas. They put borders around them and elect or appoint leaders over their burroughs. This shows the abject inferiority of the hairless ape slaves. They can’t handle living without border lines and must have someone to rule over them. No one seems to be able to rule them all, they are that out of hand, so each burrough has leaders and each burrough has its own sections with leaders in those areas. Such madness. The Tower is in a place the slaves call London.

Data: What do you do in your life? Everyone of us is curious about how a King spends his days…

HRH Arlo: I am King of the Guinea Pig Kingdom. I have lots of duties. I hold court in my pigloo, I talk to my advisors. Last week, there was an attack on our kingdom. Bombs were going off for a week, culminating on the 4th . It was my duty to protect the royal residence and get our army ready for a counterattack. I attended talks with the heads of the other Kingdoms to discuss what should be done. The Rabbit King was there, the Kings of the Mice, Gerbils, Hamsters and so forth. I have a very busy life. I relax by demanding my slave scratch my belly and groom and massage my fur.

Data: Let’s talk a little bit about your human. Every piggy has a human but I suppose your must be special. So how did you end up with your human and what do you think about her?

HRH Arlo: You must be talking about the slave. My mother always told me I was special; meant for special things. She told me that a slave would be chosen to take me to my palace and care for me. When I was three weeks old I was given to my slave and placed in my palace with food, alfalfa, Timothy Hay, food and veggies and a bedroom in which to hide. A few days later I was taken to the vet doctor. I was not pleased but he gave me a full physical and dental check. He anointed me with a drop between my ears. He called it a protection from mites if I may have any. I can assure you I did not.

2013-01-15 20.21.57

My hairless, ape slave is adequate. She makes sure that my living quarters are clean and my bowl is always overflowing with food, my residence is always overflowing with hay and fresh water. I get plenty of fresh yummies everyday. When I am sick or need a mani‐pedi she promptly takes me to the vet doctor. More often than not I get my belly scratches, grooming and fur massages. She can be strange. Twice a day she rips off her fur and puts new fur on. Once a day, she rips off her fur and gets under a waterfall. She could drown! She says she’s grooming herself. Wouldn’t it just be easier to use her tongue like the rest of us do? This slave doesn’t have a lot of fur and every once in a while a friend of hers comes over and pours a liquid on her legs and her face around the fur above her eyes. Then the friend takes a cloth and rips the fur off of her legs and some around her eyes. She gives this friend paper money or baked food to rip her fur out. Can you believe that? And sometimes she just talks into this box she puts to her ear. There’s no one there but she talks and laughs. She can be a strange one.

Data: Was it hard to train your human to respond to your needs?

HRH Arlo: Yes, and it still is. That girl can be so insolent. She’s stubborn as well. Do you know she will delay my royal breakfast so she can have a beverage called coffee? She often delays attention I want when she comes home just so she can unwind for five minutes. Insolence! When there are elections it is terrible. She will spend hours away working on what she calls campaigns. She comes in very late and delays my royal dinner. Sometimes she’s too tired to give me my royal belly scratches. She needs constant training.

Data: Tell us a funny story about you and about your human.

HRH Arlo: I have already talked about the human. I have many funny stories. I like to frustrate the slave. She will put our dinner in nice bowls. I like to wait until she’s watching and take my nose and tip the bowl over. She watches helplessly telling me that I better not dare and I look at her and tip it over. Just to see the look on her face. It’s priceless. I also remember when the vet doctor was testing me for a stone. He didn’t find one but I peed on his white coat to show him my dissatisfaction. The slave was so embarrassed. It was very funny.

Data: How is it to share your human with 3 other piggies? What do you think about your cohabitants?

HRH Arlo: I am not always happy about her attention to the others but they are part of the royal family and I simply have to insist that, for appearance sake, the royal family be treated as a royal family should. I think Barry is a troublemaker. He is older and abdicated the throne as he realized I was more fit to be King. He wanted to spend his time on more frivolous things. He is good at keeping the others in line but he also tells them they don’t have to fear me and that is just unacceptable. Garfunkel is very young and still not very mature. He was abandoned as a baby so he follows Barry everywhere. Barry is a mentor for him. Garfunkel needs to pay more attention to his cleanliness. The slave has to bathe him constantly. He’s a typical teenager. Daltry is well‐mannered but quite insecure from having so many homes. He is very cultured but very neurotic too.

Data: How about sharing your residence with Daltry?

HRH Arlo: I was not happy at first because I didn’t want to share the royal residency. The slave explained that he was lonely. Barry and Garfunkel have each other. Then I saw the small living quarters in which he arrived. No pig in the royal family will live like that. I acquiesced. It’s been a challenge but he grooms me and there is now twice the food, water, hay and yummies. Plus, I hear that Daltry has a sizable trust fund. That could be useful.

Data: How about an heir to your kingdom? Tell us more about your love life.

HRH Arlo: I had one great love. Her name was Ethel Rose and her beauty and grace were beyond compare. Leisa Eman was her slave. She became my Queen. Sadly, she passed away; she was a few years older than me. I have ordered statues erected throughout the Kingdom in her honor. At this time, I cannot foresee loving another. She bore me twins: Esther and Enoch. They have married and moved out. I hear from them often. Enoch has his own militia over which he reigns as general so it seems that when the time comes, Princess Esther will take over my throne. When we were together we took many trips and I showered my sow and pups with many gifts using the slave’s plastic money.

Data: What is your favorite food and activity?

HRH Arlo: I love watermelon and cantaloupe. It’s yummy. My favorite activities are my nightly snuggles and belly scratches. After a long day of ruling the Kingdom, a fur massage makes all the difference. When I am ready to go to my royal quarters, I simply pee on the slave to let her know.

Data: Anything else that might interest our readers?

HRH Arlo: Everything I do would interest your readers but there are things I must keep private for Kingdom security. I will say that after the hairless, ape slave called me spoiled, I looked it up and I encourage all guinea pigs in the Kingdom to demand spoiling. It’s wonderful. The wheeky pig gets the food so remember to wheek loudly.

HRH Arlo has a very interesting hairdo, as you can see from the pictures below. But I supose a King has to have something different than the rest of us.


IMAG0360Stay tune for another fabulous interview next Monday!