Kirk's opinions about humans, Kirk's tales, Uncategorized

She’s losing it!

kirk_profile_2Our humans disappointed me… Again. But I should get used with it. Just because there are no perfect humans out there. After all, they are not Guinea Pigs!

They left for Venice last week. With all the explosive hassle from Brussels, they went on with their holidays plan. Fine for me, we already said they are weird and need breaks. But they messed up our timetable. Big time!

Instead of receiving 4 fresh veggies per day in two turns, we ended up receiving only three in once. And the humans that were in charge of feeding us were as incompetent as our humans. Honestly now! They insisted on petting us. But I reacted and bit the lady. We left the 9 years old child alone, she still has a chance to turn more competent. Whatever…

The worst part is that our humans were supposed to bring us some Hard Rock Café paper bags. Apparently they took them from the shop and stored them somewhere in the luggage. But they were nowhere to be found once they got home! So, just imagine this: they tell us that there are some bags for us and then, suddenly, there is none. Disappointing!

And this week the HM is at home. He pretends to being sick so he doesn’t really cuddle us. Really?! He coughs a little and has to blow his nose every now and then. This is not an excuse…

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll go be disappointed in my own wood house.

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Kirk's opinions about humans, Kirk's tales

The upgrading of the Mother Ship

Having a good human servant means that you need to give them the impression their live is still belonging to them. They should not feel that you are in control and you need to create very carefully this appearance.

For example, our the docking space of our Mother Ship was taking over a corner of the couch and was making useless a large amount of space from the living room due to the position. So we’ve organised a council and decided to make our humans happier by redesigning the interior of their apartment. Especially that the young Data was always chasing around Worf and stilling his food, so they had to be separated if we didn’t want to have a case of severe frustration in our hands. I’m too busy with my own research and have no time to be Worf’s psychiatrist…

Saturday it was the big day. I went to the bedroom and spent some quality time on my own and delegated to curious Spock the task of supervising the works. He is very good at this because he tends to interfere in the humans’ activities and to check everything. In the meanwhile, the little boars were placed in an orange blanket on the couch with clear instructions not to pee on it. Of course they forgot my words in less than 10 minutes… Teenagers! (By the way, they have yet no problems sharing the couch, but they are not able to live in the same room.)

So, under the strict supervision of Spock, the humans started expanding a little bit the Mother Ship, dividing better the space and turning around the furniture in the room. The purpose was to arrange their room in a way that would allow us to keep an eye on the house at all times and them to have the feeling they are still having some rights in the house. After all, they are paying the rent and Belgium is a rainy country: we wouldn’t like living on the streets! It was like a huge puzzle and a lot of furniture had to be moved several times to create a nice space where the other humans coming with offerings to us could enjoy a cup of coffee or a beer.

Spock did a great job. He was constantly checking under the couches and helped moving them; and he even inspected the vacuum cleaning process to make sure our hay won’t end up being destroyed. Also, he kept a very close eye on the human male while he was measuring the coroplast and passed over it to make sure there are no defects and everything was built at high standards.  In the meanwhile, Worf and Data were being moved all over the place with the couch… As I already said: teenagers!

Now the Mother Ship is docked in a place where humans can have access easily to all of our rooms especially that the little crazy piggies are still under treatment. I and Spock are back close to the couch and the humans (I spent the whole Sunday sleeping on my wood house and supervising the surroundings!) and both couches and armchairs are ready to be used by humans.

This is how are home looks like:

guinea_pigs_tales_mother_ship_2See you tomorrow!

Kirk's opinions about humans, Kirk's tales

A new milestone

Our main human doesn’t spend too much time at home. Especially since we have two new members of the crew, she must work and study to make sure there is enough money in her accounts to pay for our vegies. Because Data and Worf are big eaters also, even I being amazed of how fast they switched on vegies and how much they can chew. But, this is not about how they eat around 300g of vegies each per day, but it’s about me and why I might be the next Napoleon Bonaparte of the world. Yeah, I’ll skip the “imprisonment on a small island” part, but I’ll still conquer the world. 😀

So, Spock already told you how busy our human female was on Monday evening. I was also utterly unhappy about being put aside for two hours, but I hope this mess will end at some point and I’ll get to train the new members of the gang. Anyway, I forgot why I was upset when the food landed in my cage: parsnips and carrot greens! I’m not very fond of the first one, but the carrot greens are very tasty and full in vitamin C. Eating took me a while and the human female must have been felt like sleeping already, so she came and started to pet me while I was chewing.

I’ve stopped for a second trying to decide if I should continue eating or stretching and spoiling myself. But it stuck me I could do both. So, I’ve “fluffied” my but in the sawdust and let her do her thing. I was wheeking with pleasure and chewing with the same amount of pleasure on the same time. And I realized I’m that close to Napoleon who could do three things on the same time… Exactly when I was being sorry for not finding a third stuff to do, I felt like pooping. And there I was: wheeking, pooping and eating on the same time. I’ve told you I’ll be the next Napoleaon!

By the way, this is my Napoleon pose:

guinea_pigs_tales_kirk_napoleon