Kirk's opinions about humans, Kirk's tales

How to embarrass your human

The other day I was enjoying a cuddling session in the bedroom with the human female. The human male was playing backgammons on the Internet and I can’t stand the noise of the dice. It remembers me of something , but I don’t know exactly of what… Maybe I should pay a visit to the shrink because that noise makes me purr in a very annoyed way.

So, I was in the bedroom, on her chest, making a very awkward brrrr and wheeking for pleasure from time to time. I know, it’s a weird combination, but I’m a philosopher and I’m allowed to do it. 😀 While she was giving me her full attention, her phone rang. She picked up and it was a guy asking for some professional advice. They went on with their conversation, she went on with cuddling me, the human male kept rolling dices and I did my best to brrrr and wheek. And I was very close to the phone’s microphone…

At some point the human female realized her conversation partner heard every bit of noise I was making. She apologized and explained my presence in the room, but the other guy didn’t seem very convinced. And I’m pretty sure he wasn’t, because he never called back. But my human doesn’t seem very upset… How could she be when I look so beautiful?!

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Kirk's opinions about humans, Kirk's tales, Uncategorized

How to wake up your human(s)

I don’t know why or from where they got this impression, but our humans think they should sleep long in the week-ends. Very strange habit and idea that has to be corrected; especially that it keeps them from fulfilling their duty to us.

Last week-end was not an exception and I had to take attitude and to convince Spock that this situation must not proliferate. We need to eat around 7:30h, we got used with this and this is how it should be. I am flexible, but not when it comes to food. When the sun goes up, I get up, so everybody else should do the same…

So, Saturday morning I’ve waited until 7:30, still hoping someone will come out of the bedroom with the clear intention of providing me the first round of vegies of the day. But no! My plan was done since one week ago when this situation also occurred, I just had to convince Spock to participate in, although he doesn’t really have the means for it. I’m saying this because I’ve decided to use my next big weapon after my brain: my butt. To sum it up: my butt needs vegies to stay fit, so it’s up to it to fight for food.

When you have a heavy, big, furry but, you know it can make a lot of noise when it touches the ground after a controlled fell. So, I jump from the top of my wood house and instead of placing nicely my butt on the floor, I just drop it. Once on the plastic floor, I start running around making sure to hit the margins of my room with the same weapon. Thanks all gods that I have fur and fat on my back, so it doesn’t heart at all when I’m doing this. You got the idea: butt on the floor, butt on the margins, salt on the roof of the house again and repeat! In the meanwhile, I was also wheeking very loud. But really loud, like somebody was trying to catch me and eat me.

Spock was doing his best also, although he is lighter than I and his butt is not that helpful. But he can wheek really loud also. He had a very good idea, though, and started chewing the bars and making a lot of supplementary noise.

After 10 minutes of hard work, the shindy must have awaken the humans because the human female came out of the bedroom disheveled, opened our rooms and fed us with some cucumber and parsnips. She tried to go back to sleep, but we did a really good job and she was not able to close her eyes anymore after our little show. She seemed a bit upset, but still sent a human to the market to buy us some dill.

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For any advice on how to wake up your human during holidays or week-ends, contact us. We give advice for free, in this case. 😛

Kirk's opinions about humans, Kirk's tales

Our weekly menu: a big challenge!

Our human female promised on Facebook that we will write an article regarding our weekly menu and the importance of vegies in our lives. Amazing how she speaks for us! I think we need to explain her once again that her rights are limited to some PR and SEO activities, but she is not our spokesperson. She still needs to prove we can trust her… However, she promised on our behalf, so we should defend our honor and really write about how your human should feed you, my furry Guinea Pig friend. And it is on me to write about this because I am the gourmand one.

I must start by saying that in the beginning our human had no idea regarding how she should really take care of us. She red some websites in Romanian, but the information was poor and all she got was that we need vegetables, but no clear list upon what is good and what is not good for us. Then we arrived in her house. After few days while we had a lot of carrots and some celery, we convinced her to search data in other languages also. Yeah, it’s easy to try to find something in your mother tongue, but Romanians are not really experts in Guinea Pigs. 😀 So, she found a very nice website + forum in French. I would like to thank to the owner of that website for saving us from a boring diet with only two vegies.

Now let’s get to the point! A Guinea Pig is a gourmand vegetarian creature. If a human can survive eating only one or two vegetables per week, we can’t. Actually we will manage it, but we’ll get as seek as some humans are. And unhappy… We are also fool of caprices: today we may really enjoy one vegetable and tomorrow we won’t even look at it. This is what I do with some boring vegies like parsnips: if I’m in a good mood, I’ll eat it; if not, I won’t even touch it. So, you’ve got this first point, yes?! Diversify!

Next, you need to keep in mind that we should have at least 1/10 of our weight in vegies each day. I and Spock are getting more than this. Happy us! But, there are vegies you could eat all day long, and vegies that should be consumed not that often. And there are vegies rich in vitamin C, but also in Oxalic Acid which is not good for us. And some are very rich in water and eaten excessively could cause diarrhea. So moderation and balance are another two key words for our diet. I know it’s complicated and that is why we assist our main human in drafting the menu: every time she makes a mistake, we shout loud.

A comprehensive list with the vegies good for us can be found here. And I think is pointless repeating the same information. I just hope your human is not too lazy busy to open the link.

Now, my dear furry reader (and eventually human reader…), I know you may like licking chocolate, yogurt and other fancy food from your humans’ fingers, but they are not really good for you. They may taste well, but on long term your health will suffer. Trust me, I’m a Guinea Pig! Vegies are better for us. Just look at the differences: our fur is shiny, humans’ hair needs conditioning for that; we can popcorn, they can’t; we poop a lot, they do it once per day (if they are lucky enough)…

I am a very good piggy – I eat all my vegetables. You should do the same and you may get one day to be a great philosopher as I am. Still, I refuse to eat the radish. I could eat tones of radish leaf, but not the red/white part. I refuse, it’s that simple. And my human got it. Like she got it for the tomatoes and some fruits. But I could eat one huge cucumber every day or celery greens until I can’t move. Here we still have a problem: she refuses to give me as much as I would like. You need to keep in mind that training your human is essential in order to secure more spare time for thinking, pooping and sleeping in the future.

Before ending this, I’ll attach a photo of our menu for this week. The fundaments are simple: every day 4 different vegies, every day one vegie with vitamin C, and no more than one vegie rich in calcium per day. In addition, hay as much as we can munch and drag in the cage, pellets with no cereals, and rarely (since I passed 1.3 kilos) some cereals bars.

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By the way, in case some humans are also passing by: you, the biped one, vegies are good for you too!

(I wonder what Spock will write tomorrow. Or maybe he has no inspiration and he will wake me up in the middle of the night to prepare something…)