Spock's opinions about humans, Spock's tales

Clarifications

I think we already explained how very busy piggies we are. Sleeping and eating is hard enough and, on top of this, we still need to supervise the house, chew precious stuff like power cord and invoices, hack the laptops to pick a glance on the new members of the gang (yeah, they are still in the bedroom) etc. What I want to say is that we don’t have a lot of time left for reading other blogs, so we personally visit only few blogs. Maybe when we will be four on the team, we will divide the tasks. Maybe…

So, that’s the reason why we have humans to serve us. For example, our human female already knows her way in the bloggers world (true, only in Romanian) and we are still not sure we can fully trust her, but for the moment we gave her also the task of taking care of our “public relations” section. Now, don’t get me wrong: we still read the blogs with and about furry friends, but it’s better that she goes and visits the beauty blogs and other interesting virtual homes. I have no interest in make-up, for example. Or IT… Or poetry… But she does. We just need to keep an eye on her to make sure she still goes to work and earns money. So, if you get “likes” and comments from a lady called MM, it’s our human female. Of course, she is not allowed to put a link to her own blog (nobody understands her mother tongue!), nor to speak on our behalf.

Until the present moment, we couldn’t find any suitable activity for the human male. Except the one of buying the 20 kilos packs of sawdust, but last time he went to the pet-shop for this he came back with two other guinea pigs… And this is not because he has no skills, but because he has moods: sometimes he accepts gladly to do groceries for us, sometimes refuses and the human female must carry a lot of vegies all around the city. So, how could we give him important tasks regarding our careers?

Conclusion: keep in mind that MM is our delegate in reading your blogs, although she hasn’t have the time to pass-by daily. And thank you for visiting us.

Now I should go back to sleep. Or maybe popcorning. Or better pooping… Tough life!

Should I go or should I stay?

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Spock's opinions about humans

Our human male went crazy!

When our human male first encountered us he was pretty skeptical regarding the fact that we could amuse him. In the meanwhile he changed his opinion and became our truthful servant, reprimanding the human female when I was missing water or hay and he even started buying the 20 kilos sac of sawdust to make sure we always have it. And this brings us to the yesterday moment…

The human male went yesterday to buy a new bag of sawdust and he saw again (for the 4th time!) a white Guinea Pig still in the pet shop. Apparently he was there for several months and because of his white fur and red eyes, nobody wanted him. (I don’t understand this – I have the same appeareance, but I’m loved by my humans. True, some others think I’m creepy, but I don’t listen to them.) Sharing the same cage, there was a new one: black with white bottom and some brown and white hair in the middle of his head. The human male felt for it instantly…

It’s pointless to tell exactly how in few hours two almost sane people turned into some weirdos with four Guinea Pigs. But now we are four in the house! Maybe we weren’t occupying their time enough. Or maybe they just feel the need to save the others from a not very good fate in a pet shop. I still don’t know how to take this situation… I’m so confused that I spent 5 minutes in the arms of the human female letting her to caress me. She was also surprised!

We did not meet yet our new roomies because they are in quarantine for 40 days! We’ve just heard that they are called Worf (the black one) and Data (the white one); and that the white one has red ears, not grey like mine. Although the person from the pet shop said Worf is 3 months old, our human female doesn’t believe this: the new piggy is 723g, too much for 3 months. So, either he is really 3 months and a giant one, either the guys from the pet shop have no idea what they are talking about. But the human female wants to solve this mystery because she is decided to choose an anniversary date for each of us. Data seems normal for his 5 months, but our humans suspect he is less than this with at least 2 weeks.

Anyway, they seem not to be used with vegetables and very frightened, so I’m happy our humans took them. For the moment they are using our old very small cage until a new solution will be found. The human female already researched on the Internet and found some options, so the human male needs to visit all the stores in town to find the elements. And the female is worried they might fight and she should separate them like she did with us.

I just hope they won’t abandon us… Or forget about us. They are OUR humans! I could share them, but not give up to them for good. But maybe all this will end up well and one of the new piggies may even agree to share the same room with me. Imagine only how it would be to have two white piggies in the same spot. 😀

Before going back to my wood house and finding new methods to stay still for more than 2 minutes, I’ll share with you one photo of Worf and Data (I took it from the computer, as the human female already started using the camera on them!).

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(Tomorrow Kirk will teach you how to embarrass your human.)

P.S. Yes, I spoke with Kirk, and we agreed to share the blog with Worf and Data, if they wish… We are good piggies! But we are still not changing anything to this blog. Not just yet.

Spock's opinions about humans, Spock's tales

Sleeping positions for an active pig

I’ve noticed Kirk talked a lot about my personality yesterday… Like he doesn’t know I’m reading this blog also! And not all is true – I stay very still when I’m sleeping.

Also, I would like to add that I like being cuddled, but respecting my own terms, not the ones imposed by humans. Meaning that I really enjoy being caressed, but only if I am in my apartment. So they need to strech and fold in very weird positions to be able to touch me and get from my part the lovely piggish sounds. My terms apply also to other activities, like getting out on the couch… If I want to go and chew something, I do it when no human is using that object. But if they are around and try to catch me on the couch, I’m very tenacious and find an impossible way to pass over them and go back to my penthouse. Resiliant may also describe me.

And I need to say something about Kirk too: he loves spending 20 minutes lying on the chest and neck (yeah, weird preferences!) of our human female. He is not moving, just making cute little noises. I could not stay still for so long! And this gets us back to our subject…

Actually, I get so tired after running around on the couch and running from humans (whenever I go out on the couch, they feel the need to try grabbing me and kissing me and hugging me!) that I go back to my apartment and fell asleep at once. And I don’t even remember how I ended up sleeping in some positions… It’s a tough life being a pig!

But then I wake up and find the hay and life is active once again. Until I realize the human female documented all my moves and took a lot of pictures with me in some very awkward positions… Than my life turns in to a struggle to get to those photos and delete them. Of course, after a hypnosis session to try to remember what else I’ve been doing.

But, since the pictures are here, I might even share them myself and make sure she gains nothing on my behalf. I suspect she may try to sell them to some life styles magazines for the Guinea Pigs. (I saw her searching the contact details for Cosmopiglitan…)

So, watch and learn!

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(I almost felt few times, but let’s keep the secret!)guinea_pigs_tales_spock_rolling

(Don’t trust everything you see: I sometimes act looking wretched, so that the humans come and comfort me. It gives them a purpose in life…)

Stay tuned! Tomorrow we will explain you how we supervise our human “building up” our weekly menu. 😀

Spock's opinions about humans, Spock's tales

Too hot and too much light!

We live in Belgium, a country where it rains a lot. But a lot! The winter here is just a longer fall. Actually, the whole year looks like an incredible long rainy season. Or at least this is what we heard from other furry creatures in the pet shop…

Until now we can honestly say that a winter as warm as a fall is no problem for us. Yeah, the humans which need to go out to buy vegies for us may have a problem, but we advise them to take an umbrella or a jacket with a hood. And, after all, they are not as fragile we are, so some rain won’t damage them irreparably.

But… With the spring & summer being as a fall, we really have an issue. Not because it was, but because it wasn’t! And we are living in an apartment where our official territory (the living room) faces south, so imagine that. Last year, in our first year of life on this Earth, we had to face 28° C and a lot of light coming through the windows. I have beautiful red eyes, but they kind of tend to hide when strong light is chasing them. So, I wheeked several times, the human female finally understood and bought curtains.  (As there is not much light usually, they were not needed…)

Than the heat knocked us out. The human female was not really understanding our signals and she kept putting the wood houses back in there “normal” position for two days or so. But, finally, after a small warning bite, she understood that we are trying to redecorate and to cool down a spot. Maybe for her 30° C in the room was a blessing, but not for us! So, after we tried several times without success to undress our furs (it is not possible, apparently, like in the case of humans), we decided to make a space protected by light and to remove also the sawdust from there. Of course, after the heat passed, we put everything in the right place.

Just check how good interior designers we are. 😀

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This week-end it was summer all over again. We are not complaining, but we need to meet up and decide the measures to be taken if this continues. Anyhow, we’ll keep you posted.

Kiss you all,

Spock

P.S. I’ve got to run now! Run, Forest Spock, run!

Spock's opinions about humans, Spock's tales

Why humans need jobs and Guinea Pigs don’t

I don’t know how many of you are aware, but humans live in a world where they trade things for money. In my opinion, they could all trade something else (except Guinea Pigs, of course!) for what they need. I mean, our human female may trade her red dress for our vegies for one week… But, apparently, she prefers to have a job, keep her red dress and buy us vegies.

Our main human leaves the house in the morning and comes back in the evening when she starts telling the other human how she managed to rule other people. She calls herself an Office Manager and she is very proud when she gets to convince several other bipeds to do what she suggests. And she gets paid for this.

I find this very strange: we manage to rule with no problem at all the three humans from our house. We can convince a human to obey our desires with no effort, to bring us food and caress us. Does it mean that we are Humans Managers?! Or maybe House Managers… But this is not a job for us, is just the way we are and do things. And this makes me think that humans are useless and hopeless without a Guinea Pig to govern their lifes.

Anyway, don’t forget that in this strange world we need the humans to get paid in money so they could buy us food and other fancy stuffs (blankets, sawdust, bigger wood houses etc.). To be honest with you, my furry friend, I don’t see myself going shopping or getting a job – my white satin fur would be destryed! I mean it’s enough effort for me to go out on the couch and chew the cords (yesterday I’ve missed a laptop cord! 😦 )And I enjoy just sleeping and pretending to be very tired because of the harsh life I’m living… So, encourage your human to have a job!

Even more, imagine you would have your human around 24/7. That would be a tough job: you should keep a close eye on the biped; you couldn’t just roam in the house or eat in peace… The two days from the week-end are giving us enough work to justify the restfulness we need the rest of the week. It’s hard enough we need to munch on the hay and a lot of vegetables, but supervising and ruling the bipeds add extra work.

Just look at me how tired I am… Or at least I look…

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Kirk & Spock, Spock's opinions about humans, Spock's tales

About how and why we can’t live together

“Kirk, come here! I’ll start writing and I could use some help.”

“Whaaaat?! Are you kidding me? Do you remember that we can’t share the same space?”

“No, you… big butt! I wasn’t inviting on the couch, just closer, so I could transcribe what you say.”

“I do not trust you! You will never reproduce exactly what I say…”

“Oh, you could check when it’s your turn to use the laptop.”

“OK, Spock, tell me what for you need my help. But fast because I want to go back to sleep. I can’t keep my beautiful 1.340 kilo in perfect shape if I don’t sleep enough!”

“My beloved Kirk, as much as I would love to try my teeth on you right now, this is not the reason of my request.

“You left yesterday on me the task of completing the story about why we can’t stay together. And I don’t want to write it all by myself because I’m pretty sure you would have some remarks.”

“Spock, you are incredible! In the middle of the night you are trying to write something that serious?! You know what? Just start, read aloud what you are writing, and I’ll interfere if necessary.”

“Oh, you lazy 1.340 furry thing! I’ll do it…

“Dear readers, it is up to me, Spock, to finish the story started yesterday by Kirk. Everything begins with the fact that the pet shops employees only want to sell and they don’t care about us… This is how our human female ended up with two male Guinea Pigs in her house, although it is known we fight for territory and supremacy most of the times, so living together might look like a very nasty episode from Gray’s Anatomy, the Guinea Pig’s version. At the beginning she hoped it will work and we also tried, but at some point it became impossible.

“Spock, since when you are so full of lyricism? Are you OK? Have you eaten something bad?”

“Kirk let me write! I’m in the mood for staying still for more than 30 seconds.

“So, dear readers, we managed to share the same small cage for about a month. Until one evening when, Kirk decided it’s time to dispute, so I ran away… The human female saw immediately (very vigilant biped!) and opened the cage for me so I could spend the night in the house. She even prepared me a box with hay close to the cage thinking that we may manage the situation that way.

“But after few days it was obvious we won’t be able. We do not hide our territorial needs and the urge for disputing the alpha position, as the human males are doing, so it was inevitable for the real fight to start. When she saw that the situation was becoming dangerous for our furs, she bought a bigger cage.”

“Spock, am falling asleep… zzzzzzzz! Please, go allegro: our readers will leave the page before reaching the end!”

“Kirk, it’s my time to write. You are only an invited participant.

“When she showed up at home with the new cage, we both secretly hoped it was only for one of us. But no… We had to share that one also. After a while, a wood house appeared. I was occupying the upper floor and Kirk and his big butt the lower one. Soon he was not pleased anymore and he wanted it for him. We had a fight one evening and I bit the human female while she was trying to separate us. To be honest, I thought it was Kirk, so I put my teeth in her hand very deep. But she survived, don’t worry!”

“Oh, my! You really wanted to harm me since we were young! Oh, my!”

“Of course. Do you remember the quote “there can be only one”?!

“Sorry for the interruption. Next step was to divide our large cage in two equal parts. That wasn’t very comfortable, especially for Kirk. His butt was growing and growing and he got to turn around the tail he doesn’t have due to the lack of space.

“In the meanwhile, in the house we were still going out together. Until one day when we fought over a piece of celery. I won; Kirk got bitten and visited the vet. And since then we get to walk in the house only in separate rooms. It’s OK, but it was more fun before…”

“Then you should have not attacked me! And please make it shorter, I can’t sleep if you continue speaking and typing.”

“Kirk you are right – I’m also falling asleep. Maybe I should present the conclusion.

“And the conclusion is that at the beginning of July 2013 we’ve got a second big cage. And instead of moving the furniture in the house to fit the new desk of the human male, she rearranged everything in a way it would allow her to put our rooms one next to the other. Awesome moment! The human male was shocked, almost threatened with a divorce. So, all the time, even when we walk in the house, there is a grid separating us.”

“Spock, are you going to say it or should I?”

“What Kirk? I think I’m done… Although I have the impression I’ve missed something…”

“Oh, I’ll say it, just stop pretending. The truth is that he still tries to bite me through the grids; he even gets some of my fur sometimes. But every time we lose sight of each other, we start wheeking and shouting until we find ourselves. And sometimes we like to sleep very close to our grids so we can touch each other. “

“Kirk, this is so soppy! Stop it!”

“But it’s the truth…”

“Yeah, OK… Let’s go to sleep, it is 5 am!”

“OK, sweet dreams!”

(Zzzzzzzz)

“Spock, I hope you transcribed everything I sad correct.”

“Hay?! Anybody said hay?!

“Oh, just go back to sleep. I’ll check by myself.”

(Zzzzzzzzzzzz)

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Spock's opinions about humans, Spock's tales

How cute I am

Almost from the begging it was clear that Kirk is the model, beautiful pig and I was the crazy, but very active one. Still, I don’t give up to the fight so fast! But it is very difficult to motivate myself to stay still for enough seconds to allow being photographed…

But my human female is getting more and more experienced in convincing me. For example, she knows very well that I’m not very comfortable at height so she tricks me. Last Friday she took me by surprise, raised me in the air and put me on the narrow part of a sideboard. Before noticing what’s happening, she already took some snapshots…

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And I remember how she tried almost one year ago to take a picture of me while yawning. She was almost sleeping on the couch with the camera turned on just to make sure she will not miss the moment. It took me a while to figure it out what she actually wanted… It was awkward to see her spying on me all day long. I  was almost afraid to go to sleep; that creepy the whole situation was. Finally, after two months of struggles, I manage to fell asleep and she managed to take the photo.

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Then she has all this weird “creative” ideas about how I would look good on a specific color or piece of cloth. And she is trying very hard to convince me to stay still for a photo. Of course I refuse! I am a little Guinea Pig but I have a huge personality! And she never tried to bribe me… She should understand that a piece of carrot might do miracles.

Look, she tried very hard to make me stay for long enough on a red bed sheet because she is convinced my eyes look better on that color. Finally, I’ve accepted, but just because I realized she would never give up to the idea.

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But, from time to time, I get to make fun of her and I show her the spot where my tail should have been…

guinea_pigs_tales_spock_buttNo matter the position, I’m still a cute pig. 😀

(Written by Spock in a moment of deep narcissism.)