Spock's tales

Spock’s mischiefs

Today we saw a comment on Facebook saying that Guinea Pigs are small creatures that can’t be blamed for mischiefs, like a rabbit for example. So, I’ve decided to tell you some stories about me and how “nice” I behave towards my humans.

In our old apartment and before sharing my room with Data, I used to get a lot of floor time in the living room. And our living room was a huge space of approximately 40sm filled with interesting things to chew. Of course, the humans realized this too late. 😀

Last year in August we moved. The hm was packing his surround system, pulling a speaker and its cable from the bookshelf. At some point he rolls up his eyes and shouts Evrika! The hf comes quickly to check if he discovered a new America. But no! It was just the realization of the fact that one speaker was not functioning because someone chewed its cable. Let’s not say who that someone was…

One evening the hm calls the hf while she was heading home. He says: “Come home! I’ll kick yours and Spock’s backs!”. She says calmly (with a grin on her face): oh, he ate your headset! Of course I did! I mean they left the headset on the couch, unsupervised. So there was a tasty cable under my nose and I just couldn’t let it pass. And I picked the most complicated place to chew, where all the cables connected, so a reparation was out of question. Oh, I forgot to mention they were quite expensive ones. 😀

Next, the printer used to be on the floor and the paper tray was opened at the back. At some point the hm prints a boarding pass and is astonished by the nice bordure that the paper has on one end. Then he realizes it was me again who did that nice pattern.

But the most crazy thing I used to do was claiming my couch. So, the humans have a couch that can be split in two. One particular side of it was always close to my room and I always had the opportunity to get out and take a walk on it. So I’ve kinda got used with the fact that it was mine. Just the hf got to sit on it and I was used seeing her there when at home. Last summer she left for one week and the hm moved on that side of the couch because it was more comfortable to watch the football games. I’d got so upset that I used to go out and shout at him. I gave up only when he moved back on his side of the couch.

Although I share my life with Data now and I spend less time on the couch, I still claim it as mine. If we have guests that occupy it for more than few nights, I get out and spy on them hopping that my red eyes will scare them and make them leave.

The secret to get clear with all this is to look as innocent as possible.

spock_profile_2

So, whenever someone says a guinea pig is a boring creature, just refer them to this page.

Wof's tales

Worf and the laptop

From time to time I get to spend some time on the couch while the human female changes the bedding in my room. Usually I just freeze: although she is busy with my pen, I still fear she can turn and eat me. But recently I’ve told myself to give it a try and explore the couch a little bit.

Usually the couch is not a very interesting place to be on… I mean what can you find there?! A pillow… But, sometimes, the human male abandons his laptop with the lap support. And last time it was there. We already told you that we prefer the human female’s laptop, but this one looked interesting also. At least an attempt to communicate with it was necessary.

Now, a human would think that in order to communicate with a device, the last one must be turned on and opened. But we, the superior living beings in the house, know that this is not really the case. One can communicate with a machine easily using his or her brain. Isn’t it?! I mean, just look at me!

DSCN2967_1 ???????????????????????????????

OK, I know, I’m not fooling anyone: I was just hiding around and exploring the tunnel. The laptop was very stubborn and refused to talk to me. Even though I’ve took it on my back and walked with threatening to throw it from the couch…

What do you do for fun?

Kirk's tales

Competing again

If someone thinks beauty and intelligence are rarely to be found together in a living being, let me tell you that I am one of those rare beings. I am beautiful and the numerous likes I get when participating in contest prove this. On the other hand, being such a fine psychoanalyst requires intelligence, so I have plenty of that also.

As the world we live in tends to be shallow, I focus my career on my beauty and I would really like to become famous for this. Then I could change the world with my intelligence… I know I am not blue blood so I have no chance in the very exclusivist competitions, but anyhow my target is not the few that are the public for this. I want to speak to the many!

My next goal is to have my face in a calendar at the end of 2014. Actually this became my goal after Spock informed me about the opportunity. He is somehow the brain behind all our campaigns… So, I’ve asked Data to put my picture for the contest. Now I just have to gather as many likes as possible.

In the meanwhile, I’ve been busy exploring the couch. First, dig in & dig out from the blanket…

kirk_diggingThen testing the quality of some paper roll.

kirk_paperAnd finally showing my best side and butt for the camera…

kirk_buttSo, do I deserve or not to be in that calendar?

Spock's tales

Improvements

guinea_pigs_tales_spock_profileFirst of all, I apologise for our prolonged absence. We were brainstorming over this blog and our future as international stars. And this takes time. Plus, Kirk worked a little with me to see the hidden reasons behind my epilepsy seizure. But let’s take it point by point…

Kirk thinks my epilepsy seizure was due to stress: new piggies in the gang, moving in different rooms, losing the access to the couch etc. So, he proposed a plan on how to manipulate our humans to address these issues. Playing upset was the first step and it worked perfectly fine. The human female can’t stand seeing us sad or unhappy, so she is very willing to give up space, money and other resources to please us. It is awesome to have a servant this dedicated!

One day I saw her taking the pliers and starting to cut a grill. She made a square hole and then started to cover the margins in some cloth and tape so I wouldn’t hurt myself when going out. It took her about one hour to prepare everything… But it’s done and now I have again straight access to the couch, paper, invoices etc. True, I’m not yet taking full advantage of the situation, but it will come. And I gave up of my upset face. I even allow again the human female to pick me from the top of my wood house, to pet me on the couch and then to chase me. Fun!

Next, I convinced her that sometimes I need a curtain. My own curtain, not the ones already installed in the house. I am the only one with truly red eyes, so almost no pigment, and strong light bothers me. So, a cloth is at my disposal to be arranged on my room in order to allow me to fully explore and use the space with my eyes wide open.

Actually, this is how it looks like:

guinea_pigs_tales_improvements

Another victory over the humans is the fact they bought a tripod for the camera. We believe we could be really successful in the showbiz industry, but for this we need to have the possibility to show how good we are. So good quality pictures and short movies in full HD are a must! Now that we have the tripod, we can film ourselves and show to the world what a lavish life a Guinea Pig star should have. By the way, our first project was to prove how loud we can be, but we were a little bit intimidated by the camera so not very noisy. Still working on it… Servants are here to support us!

Oh, and this morning Data took the time to create a YouTube channel for us and a Google+ page. He really enjoys this entire social media thing.

Now I’m going back for another brainstorming session to decide upon the next posts on the blog. And to figure it out how we can manipulate the human female to stop her “The Mentalist” marathon and give us more time with the laptop…

Kirk's opinions about humans, Kirk's tales

The upgrading of the Mother Ship

Having a good human servant means that you need to give them the impression their live is still belonging to them. They should not feel that you are in control and you need to create very carefully this appearance.

For example, our the docking space of our Mother Ship was taking over a corner of the couch and was making useless a large amount of space from the living room due to the position. So we’ve organised a council and decided to make our humans happier by redesigning the interior of their apartment. Especially that the young Data was always chasing around Worf and stilling his food, so they had to be separated if we didn’t want to have a case of severe frustration in our hands. I’m too busy with my own research and have no time to be Worf’s psychiatrist…

Saturday it was the big day. I went to the bedroom and spent some quality time on my own and delegated to curious Spock the task of supervising the works. He is very good at this because he tends to interfere in the humans’ activities and to check everything. In the meanwhile, the little boars were placed in an orange blanket on the couch with clear instructions not to pee on it. Of course they forgot my words in less than 10 minutes… Teenagers! (By the way, they have yet no problems sharing the couch, but they are not able to live in the same room.)

So, under the strict supervision of Spock, the humans started expanding a little bit the Mother Ship, dividing better the space and turning around the furniture in the room. The purpose was to arrange their room in a way that would allow us to keep an eye on the house at all times and them to have the feeling they are still having some rights in the house. After all, they are paying the rent and Belgium is a rainy country: we wouldn’t like living on the streets! It was like a huge puzzle and a lot of furniture had to be moved several times to create a nice space where the other humans coming with offerings to us could enjoy a cup of coffee or a beer.

Spock did a great job. He was constantly checking under the couches and helped moving them; and he even inspected the vacuum cleaning process to make sure our hay won’t end up being destroyed. Also, he kept a very close eye on the human male while he was measuring the coroplast and passed over it to make sure there are no defects and everything was built at high standards.  In the meanwhile, Worf and Data were being moved all over the place with the couch… As I already said: teenagers!

Now the Mother Ship is docked in a place where humans can have access easily to all of our rooms especially that the little crazy piggies are still under treatment. I and Spock are back close to the couch and the humans (I spent the whole Sunday sleeping on my wood house and supervising the surroundings!) and both couches and armchairs are ready to be used by humans.

This is how are home looks like:

guinea_pigs_tales_mother_ship_2See you tomorrow!

Spock's tales

I love my couch

Few months ago I’ve managed to convince the humans who are taking care of us to move my cage somewhere close to the couch. And only good things happened since then. 😀

Since I was a little pig (I mean really little, like 250 g), I had the feeling that I could find a lot of interesting stuff on the couch. First there was a blanket, than some paper, that made me believe that I should be the real master of the couch. And I’ve managed! Not only they moved my cage close to it, but I have full access during the day. This is an awesome thing! By the way, have you ever tried to spend some time on the couch?!

The humans, because they don’t have fur, need some kind of fluffy cover called blanket. My humans have one brown which is an awesome place to hide. And fell asleep… But I must be careful because they don’t have very good noses to realize I’m there. So I can’t really sleep in there if they are around. Anyway, I love pooping in their blanket.

What else can you find on my couch?! Well, some delicatessens like paper of any kind and cables. I just love chewing the paper towels and leaving a mess behind me! It’s fun! The cables are also very tasty, but I think I might have a problem with digesting copper – last time when I ate 2 cm of the headsets’ cable; I was indisposed for few hours. Or maybe it was from the plastic… Anyway, since my last encounter with the headsets, they bought new ones (I wonder why?!), blue, very attractive, but they keep them on the table.

Well, I’ve got to go to search new things to chew.

(Written by Spock in an interval of 24h, in his rare moments of tranquillity.)