Rules for the humans

data_profile_2I feel we need to reiterate some rules for the humans. Just because I’ve noticed lately that our servants tend to forget their duties and to find a lot of excuses for not taking awesome care of us…

So, human, first of all, you need to understand that we are your number one priority. We do not care you need to go to pee as soon as you wake up and we do not care you need to drop the bags when you enter the house. Your first reflex when entering/passing by our room should be to come, caress us and check if we have everything we want. By the way, please don’t pass through our rooms during the night: we would think you are there to feed us.

Next, you need to understand that what we want may be different than what you think we need. And as much as you try to convince us that something is not good for us, we will still look at you with that crying face and ask for our favourite treat or more pellets or anything else you refuse to give us. Fight as much as you want but at some point you will give in!

Do not rustle a bag if you don’t mean it! Also, don’t you dare open the fridge if your intention is not to feed us. So, plan in advance your day, open the fridge only twice when you also feed us and rustle bags at the same time. If not, we will punish you for disobeying and for interrupting us for nothing and we will shout and scream like is the end of the guinea pigs’ world.

Do not assume we like baths! Honestly, why would you imagine we would first sleep close to our pee and poop and then wait quietly for a bath?! Dying our bellies in that yellowish colour takes time and hard work and you ruin our efforts every time you bath us. Still, if you insist, expect a hell of a fight, scratches, biting and every other unwanted behaviour. And you are not allowed to get upset because we are the cutest thing you’ve ever seen.

Most important, don’t forget you are in our service not the other way around. So every you plan something ahead, you should seek our approval. We may give it to you if you made sure beforehand we would have plenty of fresh veggies and our special treats.

OK, human, now you can go and pee! Come back after and tell me if you got it right. Bring some celery leaf!

PS: This is me while planning how to rule Facebook!




Few days ago, our mean human posted some photos with me on Facebook and some other mean humans commented and made fun of my habits. Just to make it clear, we are talking about this two photos.


She suggested that I’m piling up the food because I’m afraid somebody will steal it. Now, I just want to clarify some aspects! First, yes, it is true, I have the feeling that somebody may pick my food while I sleep, but I don’t think that someone will be one of “my boys”. Maybe Worf because he really cleans everything, but he loves me also and wouldn’t prejudice me. On the other hand, the way the humans are looking at my veggies scares me to hell. It’s like my veggies are tastier than what they have in the kitchen. So, yes, I’m afraid the humans will steal my food!

Next, I pile up my food close to me because I like comfort. It’s much easier to eat when the food is right under your nose than to wake up, get out of the wood house, search for the food and only then start chewing it. You should try it! You don’t even have to open your eyes. Just put the food in your mouth and eat. This is also the reason why we, the guinea Pigs, pee and poop where we sleep.

And not the last, sleeping on a pillow may be fun. Humans do this all the time, why wouldn’t I?!


We are famous!

guinea_pigs_tales_Data_profileOh, my! Yesterday our Facebook page exploded with likes. I could not believe my eyes when I saw how the number of our followers was rising. Of course it’s due to my incredible social media skills because there is no other logical explanation.

Now that we have almost 500 followers we need to create content and that it’s mainly up to the other three. By the way, at first they thought it was a bad joke when I told them about the increasing traffic from our page. And I need to come up with some plan… But first I need to clear my fur of lice. And I must find space for an office because I should stop using my room. I almost can’t find the hay behind all the papers and plans.

Maybe I could use the other couch more often. There is plenty of space there to put all my papers around and the laptop.


Anyway, we thank you all, even though not all of you are reading this blog. And that includes The Guinea Gazette.

And, by the way, although Kirk is the most famous (he won some prizes and is the image of a Romanian blog for educating humans in regards to Guinea Pigs), Worf decided to ask for a car… I really feel I am the one that should be rewarded for all this work behind the scene. Spock already rules the world, so doesn’t really need something more.