Data's tales

Me against the chair

guinea_pigs_tales_Data_profileIt took me awhile to get the courage to talk about this. Plenty of hours of therapy spent with Kirk… But finally, after more than three weeks, I feel ready to talk about it.

It was on a Friday evening. The human put us on the floor. And not only me, Spock and the agitator Kirk, but also Worf. I mean that little Worf really doesn’t like other piggies so close to him. The human was preparing the camera to record our first exit as a gang. Spock and Kirk were sniffing Worf under two folded chairs. Usually a third one is there, unfolded, in order to keep them in place. But this time it wasn’t… I just wanted to go away from them (too much agitation for my taste) when all the movements caused one of the chairs to fall.

I never thought I would thank The Almighty Guinea Pig God that it was the heaviest chair that fell. But this one has the seat like a box and I was trapped in that box. As I can flatten and become a pancake, that box was like a shelter. Only that I got really frightened and I was struggling to get out from there. The human gave a high pitch scream, dropped the camera and pulled the chair with a horror look on her face. She admitted later that her first thought was that I was dead. Then she reasoned that I’m not yet, but I may be handicapped or die in the next minutes. But when she took the chair and I run fast to hide somewhere else, she realised there is still hope.

Immediately I was put back in my room and checked all over. Except for a limp on my hind right paw, everything was fine. But she didn’t want to believe me! She spent the next four or five hours watching me and checking for internal bleeding signs. I even got to spend 20 minutes in her lap… She was really prepared to take me to the emergency room! I think she really calmed down only next morning when she saw I was eating and pooping normally.

After three weeks, I’m fine. Sharing the same room with Spock, but this is another story. I still limp after a lot of running around, but the visit to the vet was avoided. And I’m still cute!

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Kirk's tales

The eternal winner

guinea_pigs_tales_profile_kirkEverybody is so preoccupied with bonding Spock and Data that forgot to mention my newest title.  So, in August I was, again, the winner of a contest on our favourite Facebook group. Thanks to Data, who saw the opportunity and picked the best photo, I’ve got the biggest number of likes. My happiness was spoiled only by the human female…

She becomes altruist and all politically correct in the weirdest situations, meaning when it’s not all about her. So, winning the contest should have put me on the cover photo of the group. Not me in person, don’t freak out! My beautiful, expressive photo. I’m still in Brussels, Belgium, admiring the rainy weather… But, the human female thought it unfair toward the other piggies and gave our permission not to be me again. Honestly, she should speak for herself and let Data speak for us!

The human female thinks that just because all her friends voted for me, I should not be awarded that photo. Apparently she has the impression that her Facebook friends vote for me just because I’m hers, not because I’m handsome and photogenic. And, after all, I never told anyone not to vote for the others also…

As a punishment, I’ve been very moody lately, even nibbling her from time to time. And I took advantage of her weakness regarding my beautiful eyes: I’ve asked for extra time floor and some cuddles after that. It’s like a massage after a workout! It relaxes me and makes me sleep like a baby. Or an angel. You pick! And I make her wear her fluffy anorak, which is awesome for cuddles, but also gets all the hay from my paws stuck into it. And my lose fur… So I really get my revenge.  😀

Now, just look at me how handsome and expressive I am! I am shocked nobody asked me again to shoot some commercials…

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Uncategorized, Wof's tales

It’s a hard life…

guinea_pigs_tales_worf_profileYeah, it’s been a while! But we were busy bounding and making sure Data has nothing serious after his accident with the chair. He will tell you about this soon. The humans are trying vary combinations among us hoping that at some point they’ll see at least two piggies cuddling together. My honest opinion is that this is not going to happen, but humans have this hope and I can’t break their hearts. (I’m afraid I won’t get veggies anymore…)

Now, to be completely honest, I have nothing to do with their bounding. The human tried to put me with Kirk and I just stood in a corner waiting for that moment to go away. I was moving only when I couldn’t do anything else to get rid of him. And the meeting between the four of us was also a complete disaster: Kirk and Spock were bullying me, they moved a chair and the chair fell on Data. After this, the humans got the idea that I prefer solitude. Yes, I like seeing them around, but just not in my room!

I even got to take a walk in the house under the couches all by myself. It’s so nice! Nobody else around, just me and a lot of space to explore. And if I have a place to hide, I even find courage to get in open space and pick the pellets humans are dropping on the floor. Now don’t imagine a wide open space! There is still a coffee table and a chair around…

Plus, I like being alone in my cage because I don’t want to share my veggies with anybody else. To be honest with you, I’m afraid the others will eat from my vegies and I will starve. Like for example on Tuesday evening when the human male gave us a portion of cucumber and one of carrot. But I have the impression he still considers us babies, because the pieces were just too small. I finished mine in about two hours! And the pellets! So when the human female arrived home, I was prepared with my puppy eyes. She instantly realised I was super hungry and started shouting at the human male that he has no mercy regarding me. He had no chance to defend himself and tell her that I received the same quantity as the others. And I’ve got an extra portion of cucumber and some pellets. I’m just wondering when they will realize that for a piggy of 1080g (constant weight) I eat a lot. I even eat much more than the others…

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Now, ladies, stop envying me! I know: it’s a gift to be able to eat as much as I do and still stay fit. But it’s because I popcorn a lot!

 

 

Spock's tales

Little piggy, huge personality

guinea_pigs_tales_spock_profileAt least this is what she keeps telling about me! And I really don’t see why she is so amazed by this. I mean, she has an equally proportional personality. I eat nicely my veggies, she has tastes and preferences. I go out only when she thinks it’s OK, she goes out all the time… So, I do have a personality that matches just fine my 1.2 kilos, but it’s not that huge. She has an enormous one compared with mine.

Anyhow, if we are talking about my personality, I might just tell you about my latest mischiefs. On Friday evening the humans had guests. They fried some meat on a bbq (what a barbarian habit), ate a lot of garlic and drank alcohol. By the way, one of them was Peruvian and we were really afraid he may confound us with food. So, all this people, her colleagues, to be more specific, arrived around 20:00 and at 1:00 next day were still in our home. And not in the bedroom, the room of our humans, but in the living room area listening to loud music and talking about a lot of nonsense. We couldn’t sleep…

At some point, her boss was sitting on the couch. I was so offended about their insensitiveness that I got out, climbed his lap, gave him the stink eye and went back with a very dignified attitude. I think he got the message because in half an hour they were gone. By the way, her boss is a nice guy, just that he doesn’t really understand why humans should have furry superior creatures in the house.

Saturday at noon everything restarted. This time with a lot of Romanians, their friends. Not that her colleagues are not her friends, just not all of them. And this time we were not afraid to get eaten, but we were scared sh** about being abused: apparently some of her friends think we are cute and they just want to take us and caress us. Which is fine up to a point, but they were more than 10. Anyway, I am always the luckiest: I run fast! So they don’t really get to put their hands on me.

One of the guests brought also a present for the baby-to-be-born. Our humans don’t really believe in not having things for the baby before the birth. But they couldn’t either keep their mouth shut before passing the first three months of pregnancy… Oh, I was talking about the present! Yeah, the baby got a cap, a body and a bib with very impressive messages. And I got the chance to check it first! I really took a good look and now we are debating if it’s suitable for the future biped.

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I don’t think I have such a difficult personality, after all… Yes, I’m impressive, but this is an amazing thing.

Data's tales

What she thinks about us

guinea_pigs_tales_Data_profileThe other day we were just hanging around the laptop when I’ve decided to search a little bit trough her files. I mean trough the human female files… Just to keep an eye on her and to make sure she is not putting us on the market or something. One could never trust completely these humans! And, to my great surprise, I found some private notes about us. I thought Kirk is the shrink in the family, but she thinks she has a better opinion about that. So, look what she thinks about us.

Kirk: rotten spoiled, jealous and a real prima donna. He likes being in the center of attention. If he’s not, he will do everything in his power to be. Cute, almost handsome, and he knows it. So he does everything to let the other know about this. Neurotic, I may say…

Spock: crazy by definition! Self-sufficient. Tolerates human touch only in his conditions and only if he’s in the mood for it. Very independent. I suspect he’s the only one who could survive without human support. Has no fears. Or maybe has no gene to sense it…

Data: sweet. I think this is the word for him. For sure not dominant, but he likes company and to be caressed. He likes food and to sleep in his wood house. The rest is just a bonus. I think he has nine lives, like a cat. One may have been lost in the pet shop, one when a chair fell on him. Still seven to go…

Worf: skittish. Food addicted, especially pellets. So help us all gods if we skip the hour for pellets. A Callas concert is nothing compared with the sounds he can produce. I suspect he is also a little emo. We really avoid upsetting him from fear that we may bring a suicidal impulse.

Now, not that she is not wright (I am sweet!), just that she should not write assessments like this on his computer. It can go on the Internet and ruin our reputation. So, I’ve decided to put them myself on line as a good social media manager that I am. I just hope Worf won’t cut his veins on long with a sheet of paper. That would be messy!

I’m going to plot some revenge. Maybe a virus for her computer. The one that only me can overpass.

Kirk's tales

Elasticity and flexibility

I don’t get why humans reduce our life to “eat, poop, sleep, repeat”. We do much more than this, just that we do it while they are no around so they can’t fuss over it. Also, they are out gaining a living for us and don’t have the time to watch us all day long. I’ve heard about crazy humans that are trying to record 24/7 the life of their Guinea Pigs with live cams, but I’d also noticed that the subjects have a talent for finding dead angles where to do the interesting things.

Now, coming back to me because I am the gorgeous V.I.P. here… One of my favourite activities is to stretch myself in order to keep my muscles trained. The human female pays money to go to some Pilates classes and she has no idea there are four highly skilled trainers in her own house. But, after all, it’s better that she goes somewhere else because, if not, she may bring her friends to take classes with us and we would need to be on a tight schedule and I really dislike having a very structured daily program.

So, usually I do my exercises on rounds. I have days when I like turning in to a ball. My goal is to look as much as possible as a fur ball or to contract myself in a very cute pose. Like this, for example.

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Nesting like a hen in the hay helps a lot for this pose. I know some humans made fun of me on FB thinking that I pretend to be a hen, but revenge shall be mine.

Then I have days when stretching is the word of the day and I try to be as long as possible. The walls of my room help a lot for this and are awesome to exercise on.

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Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll go sleep curled up. Just to change the pose for the day.

Wof's tales

How to soften your human

We had such busy days lately… Adapting in a new environment isn’t easy. Humans keep changing the places where they keep stuff, e.g. the laptops, so we never know where to look for it. Let’s hope things will get back to normality asap because we have a lot of interesting things to share with you.

But today I’ll tell you all about softening your human. Because from time to time you need to get down to their level and pretend you enjoy the same weird stuff as they do in order to make them feel confident enough in you and let the whole house at your hand. Especially when one of your buddies (let’s not give names, just pretend we’re talking about one crazy white piggy with grey ears) chews important cords like those of the audio system and the human discovers it.

So, first thing first! You need to find out what your human really likes. With our female is easy – Kirk goes with her in the bedroom, cuddles in her lap and everything is fine. She loves us unconditionally again. But with the human male is more difficult: he has weird tastes and none of us was willing get down that much… Just to see what I’m talking about, he likes computer games, the ones with shooting and killing, not so much the veggies, beer and strange stupid/funny movies on YouTube. How can a Guinea Pig relate to something like this?

Last Saturday I felt it was high time to do something and pretend to bound a little with the human. So, I put on my look. I mean “the look”, the one that asks them to grab me and carry me around the house with them just because I’m cute. I ended up on the table. The human was sitting at the table. (I hope we’ve noticed the different prepositions in relation with the table.) And we shared a beer. Because beer is one of the things he likes most. After all, he moved to Belgium!

There are so many kinds of local brewed beers that one could spend an entire life trying to taste them all. But we shared a Chimay Bleu. He took the glass like a gentleman and I took the bottle like a man. No worries, I’ve just pretended to swipe and I took the pose for the camera. But they had no idea it was fake. How could I like something like that when I have fresh veggies in my room?!

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In the end, after the beer, the human forgot about the cord, Spock was still alive and I went back to my room with the feeling of a job well done.